The first is a very public, very shameful, very sad-faced and long overdue apology to everyone who honors me by clicking over here to read my ramblings.
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| I'm sorry. Forgive me? |
So, e-friends, please accept my apologies. I promise never to leave you so high and dry again. I've missed you!
And now for the second meaning behind this title.
Over Labor Day weekend, hubs and I drove to North Carolina to visit my parents. Usually it's a massive headache to do the seven hour drive, but luckily we both took off Friday, left at 5:30 in the morning and were there by lunch time! It made for a very enjoyable four day weekend, made even better by the beach and a happy Boomer dog that LOVES my parent's dogs.
But. And I mean, a big but. There is one evening from that holiday weekend that makes me ashamed of the human race.
On Saturday night, we decided to play some Apples to Apples, drink some wine and generally enjoy life. My mom called up and invited over a friend of hers, we'll call her Suzie, and her daughter, who attends the high school where my mom teaches.
Suzie makes me and Topher sick. Somehow, someone mentioned either Obama or the White House or SOMETHING and Suzie took her opportunity to state "Well, I wouldn't be too upset if someone bombed the White House and our president happened to be inside."
WHAT?! Toph and I looked at each other and I almost puked. She then went on to say that she supported the idea because she hates him for allowing a Mosque to be built at Ground Zero.
Let me let you take that in for a second. Yes, my parents' neighbor did in fact just advocate for assassinating our president, and yes, she wants it to happen based on her very limited understanding and misconceptions (and also somewhat obvious bigotry) related to the Islamic Center proposed for an area in downtown Manhattan.
Her defense? "Well, we're from New York."
I swear to you all, if my parents had not raised me to have respect for people I just met, I would have verbally whipped her so hard her ass would still be stinging. I still somewhat regret not saying something to her face even now.
Especially when you consider that she went on to utter such statements as "faggy" (twice) to describe the Dallas Cowboys and referred to her child's health teacher as "that black one."
I was disturbed, saddened, angered and deeply ashamed. Ashamed that Americans who actually feel this way and still use this language exist. Ashamed that my parents have to resort to hanging out with people like her. Ashamed that I didn't say anything to her face, out of some sense of respect for my parents.
The next day, I did ask my mom how she could spend time with someone like that. In essence, she agrees that Suzie is quite ignorant and that mainly, since moving to NC four years ago, they still haven't found many people that they actually like and can hang out with. My mom also maintains that she didn't want to embarrass Suzie in front of her daughter by calling her out. I gave my mom my opinion and she knows that I will never spend another minute in the presence of Suzie and she, I believe, is also deeply questioning her "friendship" with this new neighbor.
Thoughts?
Wow!! Just wow! First of all where in New York is Suzie even from because I as
ReplyDelete1. another of those"black ones"
2. Someone who lives across the street from a mosque
3. Knows full well the the mosque is being built 2 blocks AWAY from the WTC site; and
4. didn't advocate for the assasination of the last president even if I didn't like him
Suzie can go suck an egg (Sorry!).
No offense to your Mom, but if she does not like Suzie's views, she doesn't have to be friends with her. If she is in agreement with Suzie's views (Suzie is well within her right even if they are ignorant), then that's another thing. When you mother allows Suzie in her home, she gives a tacit agreement to her and her ideas. While I do have friends of other political persuasions, I don't condone racism and religious bigotry in my home.
I actually had to sit through something like this myself. I was the only black person in the room. The only reason why I did not get up and leave was because it was cold, nightime and I didn't know how to get home (maybe yet another reason for me not to live in the suburbs). It was one of my husband's friends saying not very nice things about Black people that made uncomfortable with me sitting there. Said friend's family was there, and I was in their home so I didn't feel comfortable leaving in front of people I didn't know on Thanksgiving night. Anyway, suffice it to say I was not happy and I let my husband know. I find any way I can to NOT socialize with that friend or his family.
We have the power to choose who we let in our space (most of the time anyway).
The whole situation with Suzie makes me think of the quote "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
ReplyDeleteI believe that if you disagree with her viewpoint (especially if she was citing misinformation) that you can still bring up contradicting viewpoints without being rude. Sure, she may not listen, or may brush off your points, but at least you'll have challenged her views. And even if it doesn't resonate with her, it might challenge her daughter to think more objectively/independently about the situation.
If you're ashamed these attitudes exist in our country, challenge them!
whoa. unbelievable. thing is, i guess i shouldn't be surprised. it's just kind of sad and embarrassing.
ReplyDeleteI give you much credit for not saying anything.. people's ignorance and honestly, sometimes stupidity, gets me so irate. I'm from New York too, and I don't share a single one of Suzie's opinions; that's a crock of an excuse.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I'm sorry you had to deal with that and hope that you (and your family) won't have to go through that again. I know how hard it gets to bite your tongue sometimes.
On the other hand.. it was great to hear from you again in the blogger world!
Wow. I'm so sorry you had to sit through that. I'd like to think that I would say something, but like you I was taught to respect people and blah blah blah. However, there are certain words I do not tolerate, "faggy" (and it's other forms) is definitely one of them. It's one of my "trigger words."
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it was hard because her school-aged daughter was present. What a sticky situation. Kind of a "what would you do" thing. I guess you never know how you'd react until you're actually in the situation.
@Terri: Oh trust me, I wanted to tell Suzie to do more than suck an egg. I definitely agree and trust me, my mother is VERY clear on how I feel about Suzie and I really don't believe that she'll be spending much time with her anymore.
ReplyDelete@Steph: I agree, but it didn't feel like an appropriate time. Unfortunately, I am naturally overly passionate, particularly about issues like these, and it took all of my restraint and many shakes of my husbands head to keep me in my seat. I do challenge these things on a regular basis in the work I do.
@Emily, I think it was the presence of her daughter that mainly kept me quiet; that and the fact that I think I was still in shock that she was saying such things.
I think if I could do it differently, I would perhaps have tried to find a way to make my views known in a calm way. Unfortunately, I naturally tend to respond...passionately, and my husband's calm hand squeezes kept me from lashing out. Was it right? I don't know. I think it was a very difficult situation and only redoubles my belief and efforts to challenge these ideas in my work.
Perhaps I should write her a letter expressing my thoughts.
It's hard to react calmy when something hits a nerve. For me, I'm better to just shut up and address the issue later rather than blow up. :/
ReplyDeleteI think there are certain ways to approach these situations - being from a very conservative family, who tend to have very conservative friends, I often find myself trying to challenge their viewpoints (respectfully of course!) while not letting it get into a fired up mess. Granted - typically these discussions are about VIEW point differences and not ignorant, racist, assassination comments. I don't know how you would deal with that!
ReplyDeleteI think for time and place, you did the right thing. Let's be honest - you probably wouldn't change that woman's mind. People that ignorant (at least I find) have often CHOSEN that ignorance for themselves. But the people who are willing to have a civil discussion with you, those are the people I appreciate.
Anyway - I've been lurking your blog for awhile. I loved your weddingbee recaps (I wasn't around for prior to your wedding) so I thought I would add your blog to my reader as well. We seem to have a lot of similarities, so it's been great to follow!
WOW is all I can say on your mom's friend Suzie. I live in a VERY conservative state and my fiance and I are VERY MUCH NOT conservative and I can't even imagine people that act like that still.
ReplyDeleteBut, I'm ashamed as well, I said I'd send you some reading materials for Quakerism and am just now getting around to it. So sorry! The best place to start is http://www.quaker.org/ It just explains the Society of Friends and what all it's about. Then, from there, you'll see that there are three types of Quakers, Evangelical, Conservative and Unprogrammed Quakers. The church that we are considering joining is an Evangelical Meeting House and is pretty close to a traditional Protestant church, which I like since I grew up in a pretty traditional Methodist church.
Since I'm still fairly "new" to all of this and am still learning, I'll keep you posted on some books that have been recommended to me and I'll let you know if they are worth reading or not! :)
@jennybusybee: thanks for following! It actually was re-reading some of my recaps and comments last night that put my butt in gear to actually come out of the shadows for this post :)
ReplyDelete@catie: thanks for the awesome resources! yay for some hump day reading! much appreciated!
I kinda actually had a similar situation happen to me recently. I am a Latina woman and the discussion started going towards immigration, which I really love discussing. At first it started out alright but it quickly turned to large scale generalizations and outright racism sometimes. It was an awkward situation though where I couldn't leave. I did state my opinion, but like you, I am SUPER passionate and pro immigrant rights and it's hard for me to keep my cool when talking about something that is so close to home. Ugh.....ignorant people suck! I guess I just wanted to say I feel your pain!
ReplyDeleteEeek! I don't like the president, I didn't vote for him, but I damn well don't advocate his assassination - not at all! She can disagree with the mosque in a civil manner, as I do (as well as the president) and show some class. Geez!
ReplyDeleteMy fiance and I were exposed to essentially the exact same thing when we visited my grandparents in Maine this summer. One night, they had two of their friends over (one of my grandma's former co-workers and her husband), and the woman had the nerve (after spewing a bunch of filth about the proposed Islamic Center, of course) to described her beliefs that the world would be a better place if we bombed third world countries, and "turned them into parking lots because the people there aren't good for anything anyway."
ReplyDeleteI still can't believe she said those things. Like you, I didn't say anything out of respect for my family. And honestly, I was so upset by what she said that I doubt I could have said anything that would have done any good.
*sigh*
I'm sorry you had to sit through that - how awful!
ReplyDeleteMy parents are in a similar situation. They moved almost eight years ago and still have very few close friends, mainly because there are a lot of people with views similar to Suzie's.
Case in point, I went to a bbq for my mom's new teaching staff the day I found out about my internship at EL. I didn't tell anyone there because I knew that I would be called some terrible names because of the org's agenda. I'm with you though, because now I wish I'd been more vocal about it and challenged their beliefs.
Glad you're back to posting and can't wait to hear about the mysterious results of your interweb stalking!
Wow -- what an awfully uncomfortable situation. I try really hard to not let people get away with that kind of junk but at the same time, you had to respect your family etc etc. I feel REALLY bad for her kid - she's being poisoned by so much hatred. It's so sad that we're still not out of that cycle yet.
ReplyDeleteI am another WB lurker who loved your recaps and loves you sass and style -- keep blogging - you're a hoot!
Oh my goodness gracious...how you managed to keep your composure is beyond me...ughhh it seriously does make me sad for our country when people can be so, uninformed? Narrow-minded??? I don't even know the right term. Ugh ugh ugh.
ReplyDeleteWow. I am ashamed that as crazy as those things are - I am not surprised that someone has those opinions. Not because I hold them but because sometimes I hear things from students that make me think - they must have gotten that from their parents.
ReplyDeleteSo sad. I hope sometime your mom says something to educate her when her daughter isn't around.
I'm so sorry you had to experience that! Unfortunately, I've heard worse comments thanks to living in the deep South, and sometimes it even comes from my own family members. People are so unabashed and sometimes even proud of their backwards opinions here, and they automatically assume that no matter who you are, you share that opinion with them. It's incredibly sad. Kind of reminds me of the "Opinions are like assholes" quote...
ReplyDeleteP.S. Like other commenters have said, I loved your writings on WB, and I love reading from you here :) Keep it up, please!