and then there was my scotty.

i was in a funk all day today.  i didn't accomplish most of the things that i had said i would, and i couldn't get rid of this feeling of...

petulance.

today, i was petulant.  easily frustrated.  irritable.  smarter than everyone around me, simultaneously angered by my own anger.

today was a day where i was reminded, deeply, of the family members that are in america and how deeply i care about their well-being, health, and nearly most important, their happiness.

happiness.

happiness is meeting the man that will become your husband, and then meeting his adorable, also slightly petulant twelve year old brother.

happiness is wanting to be cool and show off your awesome soccer skills with your future husband's athletic little brother, and subsequently kicking the soccer ball directly at his face, nearly breaking his nose.

and then little brother sharing that story at your wedding day, during his best man's speech.

happiness is a sunday afternoon spent lounging on the couch watching silly movies and getting snuggly warm with your boyfriend on one side and his kind and hilarious little brother on the other side.

and then falling asleep only to awaken and realize that oops, you accidentally slept on little brother, but he's so loving that he just let you lie there, napping away, content to be still while his maybe-future-sister snoozed the afternoon away.

happiness is eating all of the chocolate chip cookies your boyfriend's little brother made and only being really slightly jealous at his baking skills and how they rival yours.

happiness is realizing that a lot of your five year old dreams came true the day that your fiance's little brother became your little brother too, and your little brother he will be until the day you die.

and then happiness is being reminded of how kind, generous, humble, smart, athletic, lovable, and funny your little brother is, and how much you miss his presence in your daily life.

happiness is scott, our little brother.

and sadness is not being able to be there for him when other people in the world forget to recognize how kind, generous, humble, smart, athletic, lovable and funny he is.

sadness is realizing that the second time you've had that sweet-jesus-we-have-to-get-home-to-america-NOW feeling happens when you know your little brother is unhappy. (the first being that time when your grandmother had a stroke and you thought this might be it and you couldn't catch your breath for a few days out of fear.)


eating your feelings is what i did when i declared: because i couldn't make things right for my little brother, i couldn't wrap myself up under a blanket of his kindness and love, i had to make cookies.

chocolate chip cookies, just like scotty makes.

and petulance is when those cookies turn out slightly burnt, but your husband still declares them the best cookies you've made so far in cambodia.

and that's when you realize all over again how lucky you are that your husband is who he is, and his little brother got all of those things that you love most about your husband, and you're reminded all over again that-

happiness is scott, our little brother.