lessons learned, [part b]

Months ago, I began reflecting.  I shared the first part of my reflections, mostly around living in Cambodia and working as a Peace Corps Volunteer.  This time around, I've written what I feel like I learned about myself these last few years.  I read somewhere, a long time ago, that your brain reaches its adult development actually-developed-stage somewhere around 28.  Which, funnily enough, is just where I am.  So maybe I'm actually at a point where I can process and internalize all the learning and growing I've supposedly been engaged in?  Maybe.  But this is my current best attempt.  As I've learned, I still learn every single day.

....

And then there's what I know about myself, because of the time I've spent in Cambodia. Namely, humility is where it begins and ends. True humility- being humble in the face of adversity, of frustration, anger, miscommunication, misunderstanding, embarrassment- is really, incredibly difficult. It can be painful and disheartening.

Human truth: I have a small amount of knowledge and often, I'm guessing-and-testing what I'm doing the majority of the time. I have a small set of skills in a small set of areas. What I know compared to what I don't is a semi colon compared an entire novel.

[what I know : what I don't :: 1 semi-colon : 300 page novel]

Coupled with humility is patience.

Both I learned to a great extent as a PCV. Everything- EVERYTHING- takes time. Patience is practically a pre-requisitive to living. Patience in people, projects, myself. Patience to allow others to think, respond, change, grow.  Patience to give myself room to develop, learn, adjust and create.

Patience.

Also, turns out, I'm an incredibly passionate person (ha! for those who know me.) With that characteristic, sometimes my emotions are too quickly expressed, too easily seen. Living within a culture in Cambodia where it is best to not reveal one's feelings so readily or quickly, I learned (or, I've begun learning how) to control my reactions, responses and feelings. I'm not perfect, but I'm more likely to withhold my immediate emotion and let myself get more information before I make a permanent decision on my reaction. 

Life is, honestly, 80% reaction.  And I actually have complete control over that eighty percent.  Which is the majority of my life, in fact. 

Finally, communication is not the art of convincing others: it's sharing, listening, disagreeing, learning and sometimes it's complete silence.  Communication does not mean being heard; it means hearing.  And damn it, but that shit is hard.

...

Of course, there is also the lighter side of it: what my PCV peers feel like they 'learned about me' while working alongside me in Cambodia.  And perhaps it should offer me some greater insight into how I'm perceived and continually remind me that I ought to try a bit harder for that humility thing (erm, people thinking I am consistently judging people/events is probably not the best way to exhibit or grow my ability to be humble.)  But these assessments of me also make me smile, which is a worthwhile thing.  So...there's that.

And here's this:

I am, apparently...

Most likely to be thinking how she could have better organized this event

Most likely to be baking

Smartest

Most Professional

Most Evocative of Hermione Granger


and really it's that last one that, if I could really embody smart, brave, loyal Hermione, life would be all good.

What have you learned about yourself recently?