Reverb 10- 11 Things

Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)

I absolutely love this topic (like, really, really like it!), yet I think it'll be tough to come with tangible things.  Topher's ideas? Twitter and American Idol.  First, I can't give up Twitter, as I'm not on it nearly as much as I'd like to be (I think I have like 500 tweets total in a year. womp womp. sad.) and I've never seen an actual episode of American Idol. Not sad.

So. 11 things I don't need.

1. Buying lunch. This is going to be difficult.  Often I have lunch in the form of soup in a drawer in my desk, but I get lazy or bored with the thought of low sodium carrots and I give in to my co workers going to Chipotle and I join in.  It's costing too much money and too much unnecessary eating.  I always feel so awful after eating an entire burrito bowl.  In 2011, I'm going to give this up except for twice a month.  


2. Extra poundage.  I did a great job losing the pounds for the wedding, landing about ten pounds above my ideal weight before the wedding.  I call it my ideal weight because when I think back over the last ten years, 140-145 is where my body naturally lands when I don't interfere.  When I lived in Rome for five months, I ate whatever I felt like and walked a lot.  I loved it, and without any freaking out by me, my body self regulates to this weight.  I'm far too much over this weight, and I'm going to get back there- see below for how.


3. Debt not related to my education. Topher and I only have one credit card, and unfortunately I've had to use it too often these past few months for doctor's appointments and the like.  I also hate my car loan, and am determined to get rid of all of this excess debt, outside of my college loans (which are pretty minimal) in 2011.  I'll do this by paying off the credit card and hopefully selling my car for adventures to come.


4. Stupid arguments with Topher. When I get tired or frustrated, I too often take it out on my husband.  It's wrong and dumb and I'm going to stop doing it by reminding myself that it's rarely his fault and I need to chill.the.f.out.


5. Excuses for not being active. So I commute, and it's dark, and I feel fat.  These aren't good reasons for continuing the cycle.  I am going to find activities I like to do- like walking Boomer with Topher or jogging with him (sometimes) or walking while watching a movie on my iPod at the gym- and do them as often as I can because I know it will make me feel better.


6. Guilt associated with eating.  I recently read Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi- and I plan on giving a bigger review soon- and I was incredibly struck by her current philosophy on eating.  She eats what she wants, when she wants it.  When you remove a stigma from a food- when you stop labeling it as "bad" or "good" and when you realize that you really could actually have it tomorrow or the next day or next month- you stop freaking out and bingeing on it.  I am very guilty of this.  I'll bake and tell myself "just eat four cookies tonight because you can't tomorrow," or when I go out to eat, I'll "splurge" on something extra creamy because it's a "special" night out and I'll just eat soup for the rest of the week.  It's so dumb and creates this vicious cycle of eating crap, feeling bad about it, trying to curb my eating in some unsuccessful manner, and repeating it all over again.  So, I started letting myself eating whatever I wanted.  On Friday night, Topher and I stopped at a little Tex-Mex chain and I got a taco salad.  After about ten bites, I was full.  Instead of telling myself I had to eat the whole thing, or I should, I stopped.  On Saturday, we stopped at a great grocer that also sells pre-made food and my favorite desserts in the world, including this mini, personal sized Mississippi Mud Pie.  In college, when I stopped there a lot (it was right next to the restaurant I worked as a server), I would eat the whole thing in one sitting.  This time, I realized half was more than enough to fulfill my chocolate craving.  I didn't finish it until tonight, and I wasn't really hungry for dinner after ward.  Not healthy, but also not feeling guilty about it.  It's likely a fluke, but in just four days of thinking about food this way (since being hungry again after being sick) I've lost two pounds.


7. Guilt related to domestic duties. I work a lot.  I feel like my brain is constantly thinking about how to be better at my job of supporting new teachers, and it takes up a lot of my mind's capacity and time and energy.  For these and many other reasons, Topher essentially runs our home.  He cooks, he takes out the trash, usually unloads the dishwasher, walks the dog, makes sure our bills our paid and manages our finances in general.  He often has to remind me of stupid things, and I hate it.  I hate feeling like a sub-par wife and housemate because I can't take the time to do my fair share of the required elements of living.  In 2011, I'm going to get over the fact that I really just don't have as much free time as others (including my husband), but I'm also going to dedicate myself to doing more of my share.  I want to be true halves.


8. Messiness. My "room" and side of the bed is always cluttered. Covered in clothes. I'm constantly behind in laundry, and I sometimes don't see the cup of water that I left two days ago.  There's no real excuse for this, and I'm getting rid of this.  It makes me stressed to see every night and day, and makes me stressed because I know it drives Topher crazy.  


9. Another evening in front of the TV or computer. Instead, I'm going to set up and attend cello lessons. I'm going to knit.  I'm going to read, just read.  I'm going to be active or simply talk with Topher.  Who needs 7 straight nights of blogging or watching pointless shows?


10. Over-spending. I make more than enough money to save.  My bank automatically deposits 100 dollars into a savings account, and every month this year, I've had to transfer it back- to pay for those dumb lunches I've mentioned or the like.  This stops now.  I'm going to be sure our finances are truly blended and only allow myself enough to live in, with one or two splurges a month.  I want to save and build some sort of nest for adventures to come.


11. Time wasted that prevents me from keeping in contact with those I love. I'm notorious for not responding to personal emails, facebook messages, texts and personal phone calls. I'm not proud of this fact, and I'm done with it.  I need to remember my blue tooth to return those calls, and even initiate them.  I'm going to treat my personal email and calls like my work ones- 48 hour response time.  There's no reason for my loved ones to be treated as if they are less important than others I professionally interact with. 


I feel like I could go on, now that I'm done with 11.  Anything resonate with you?

Reverb 10: Wisdom

Prompt: Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

I made some pretty wise decisions in 2010.  A couple are still waiting to play out, so I won't discuss those...but hopefully 2011 will show us those happy results in time. I'll get back to you.

In the mean time, I'm boring.  My number one wisest decision?  Marrying this kid:

Another wise decision? Making our own wedding bands.  They're simple but pretty damn meaningful to us.

Oh, and I'm not quite done.  I also was friggin' wise for choosing the best group of gals to surround me on my wedding day:

They come early and eat cupcakes with me. 

They've known me for 15 years.  FIFTEEN!

They laugh at my stupid humor. Graciously.

They're gorgeous. Gorgeous.

And they make tee shirts to make me feel special.

They also take amazing self photos. I need this talent.

They give me lots of love.

They make friends with each other, despite having met just 24 hours prior.

They make me GIGGLE!

They dance with me on an empty Greene Turtle floor.

And get DOWN with me!

They fit so nicely in restaurant booths!  Who needs extra tables pushed together?

They pay for me to see Jon Gosselin. Amazing.

They pose for cute pictures.

They buy and make me wear ridiculous things because they know, secretly, I love it.

They come from thousands of miles away and it's like things haven't changed in the many years since we first became friends.

Nearly bestest of all? They buy me underwear and don't laugh (too hard) at me when I think that it might be scratch-and-sniff underwear.

So really, my wisest decisions revolve around being lucky enough to have amazing people in my life.  Thanks husband and amazing friends, near and far!

Reverb 10: Party

Ok, so I'm catching up. It's going to be a long night of back logged posts.

Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)

I had two pretty major parties this year- but both involved celebrating my marriage to a great guy.  I'll sum this up in just a few photos.

 At the first reception, we got DOWN:

"I gotta feeling!"

"that tonight's going to be a good, good night..."

"ooh ooh!"

"you know you make me wanna SHOUT!"

I know I make ridiculous faces..

Then we threw party number two in Idaho to celebrate!

 Complete with yummy BBQ...

 and awesome hot blue picnic tables!

and never before seen Kate and Topher self photos! :)

How does one top two wedding parties in 2011?

Different (and sick)

I've fallen behind on Reverb 10 so far but my head is also chock full of cement...or snot.  Either way, I feel like a dump truck ran over me and I need to catch up.

So.  In case you were wondering, my community absolutely would be Weddingbee. That collection of amazing women is the only reason I am here, on this blog, today.  It will be one year the first week of January, and I am so grateful to have been lucky enough to join this community and gained a myriad of real life and interweb friends.

Todays prompt, which I will answer as my nose peels from rawness procured from hours of blowing, is:

Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)


I asked Topher what he thinks makes me beautifully different.  His short answer was my passion.  That's sort of boring, but it's true.  I have alarming passion and it often spills over, even when it's not needed.  It's often misunderstood by others, and can be intimidating.

I often joke that you either love me or hate- but Topher, everyone loves him.  In college, all of our mutual organizations were full of people that adored him, while about half of the people liked me.

I think it's due to my crazy intense passion.  If I believe in something, there's no stopping me from exclaiming it.  My passion feeds into intense joy and I'm very excitable, which can be overwhelming.

Because of this intense passion, I also hold grudges, which is not a good thing. I've been trying to get better at this, and I'd say I'm 50% successful.

In 2011, I am going to stop apologizing for this passion, as I often find myself doing. I am who I am, and as long as I can recognize how it holds me back and affects others, there's no reason why I can't be the passionate bright star I am.

Let Go

Participate with me in reverb10!

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)


I'm ashamed to admit that I let go of exercising this year.  I did a great job doing so leading up to May...and my wedding...and since then, it's been worse than lackluster. Pretty much obsolete.  Which is pretty sad and the reason for why I'm feeling quite jolly- and not in the joyful way- this holiday season.


I think I'm struggling to find daily movement that actually excites me and that I can accomplish.  I used to run and I'm pretty sure I hated every moment of it.  Group classes make me feel like a tool because I desperately lack coordination.  And my work schedule really dictates my general energy and time availability.  


Yet, none of these are good enough excuses for basically allowing myself to be a lazy arse for seven months.  


In 2011, I'm going to let go of excuses and learn/do activities that are enjoyable AND exercise.


Did you let go of anything this year that you really ought not have?

Moment

I am presently blogging while sitting next to the baggage claim in the Manchester (NH) Airport, waiting for my colleague to complete her check in with her manager.  I've spent the last week in Hanover, New Hampshire, interviewing potential members of the organization I work for, and while New Hampshire is freaking adorable and quaint, and I met some amazing people who are drawn to end educational inequity, I could not be happier to go home.  It has been a long week, and I feel so out of it with my actual day to day to work, which, unfortunately, affects 40 other people whom I support.  I'm also pretty behind on holiday gifts and wanted to get ahead in the evenings, but spent those trying to catch up on other work.

In so many ways, I'm behind.  Which is why today's prompt is great, because it helps me remember to live in the moment and to embrace each experience a new day brings.

Today's Reverb 10 Prompt is:

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. 

Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

I have difficulty selecting just one moment, as I've had an amazing year full of new experiences.  It's cliche, but I don't think I've ever felt more alive, more loved than I did during my marriage ceremony.

But I've really bombarded this blog, and the world, with images and memories from my wedding.  So I've chosen a different moment, a suspended moment that was perhaps the most exhilarating twenty minutes of the year (after the wedding.)

I really love my husband.  I also trust him a lot, and trust is something I've always struggled with.  I've gone through some personal experiences that really affect (present tense, as I'm still growing here) my ability to trust and believe in men in particular.

That being said, every day, I learn to trust my husband even more.  My trust is in him is 100%, but some days it slips to 99.9% and I make stupid comments based on crazy thoughts that clearly display how my personal issues are still not completely resolved.  

The issue of trust can be as deep as the ones I've glossed over above, or as simple and silly as my my "moment" from 2010.

...............................

It was bright, warm, moist and feels like skin that has recently received a lot of sun and is just on the edge of sunburn.  It was cool tile on my happy feet and "snip, snip, snnnnippppp" of borrowed, slightly dull scissors.  Holding my breath, keeping still, freaking out, calming down.  Laughing, giggling, barely containable, overflowing excitement and giddiness.  I felt twelve.  Any moment, my mother would open the door and admonish me for my rash behavior.  I was slowly lightened and light headed with thrill. Moments of "look down," "move right," "look up" coupled with extended silence and the sound of falling feathers. Complete awe of myself and of my husband, a moment full of undiluted trust and lust for adventure that we carry in our relationship.  Afterwards, the cool, refreshing taste of Coca Cola Classic.  Mmmm, perfect...

I said "Will you cut my hair? I can't take it anymore."

He laughed, paused and said "are you serious?"

"Yes."

"Let's do it!"

Cool tile

Giddy excitement

Lighter,

Snip, snip, snnnnipppp!

Trust. Adventure. Nuts?

Refreshing and lip smacking delicious.

Share your moment.

Eliminate

This day's prompt is:

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)

This is somewhat difficult because the thing that takes away time from writing also gives me the time and space to  think and consider topics and ideas: commuting.

Overall, though, the 2.5 hours driving (and, ha, my job in general) take up most of my time each day.  Really, what contributes to NOT writing comes on the weekend and it's a simple desire to NOT spend more time staring at a computer screen.  

I don't think I can eliminate either of these but I can be more focused with my time to allow me space and energy to write.

So I will. Starting now.

Words

So I recently found out about this #reverb10 project and I'm back logging because I'm really excited about this challenge of posting on one new topic each day!

The first prompt has kept me thinking for the past thirty minutes, pondering.  Here it is:

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

What could possibly be the best word to summarize my 2010, and what word do I really want to claim for 2011?  There's something very daunting about choosing a word for the upcoming year, because doing so makes it feel so imminent and foreboding.  What happens if that word doesn't come true? What if I pick the wrong word? It's a bit like a self-fulfilling prophecy.  If I say it's going to be amazing, then, dammit, it'll be amazing.  Which, I suppose, is part of the purpose behing #reverb10.  Reflecting on the year past and claiming the year ahead.  So here I go.

After dismissing a couple of adjectives (gushing among them), I've settled on NONSTOP. I have been waiting for the year 2010 for so long.  Since getting engaged in July of 2008 and staking a claim on 2010 as the year our marriage, it felt like a holding pattern until 2010 arrived.  Then it did, and I am in complete and utter shock that's nearly gone.

It really feels like just yesterday that 2010 began and I was looking at Topher, squealing about it being the year of our wedding and expressing how it still seemed so far away.  Yet, early spring rushed by in a whirl of snowpocalypse, and then it was March and my mom was out for her Spring Break for last minute wedding details.  April essentially didn't exist, and since our wedding and honeymoon in May, time has sped on.  It feels like, looking back, we were constantly on the move in 2010.  After returning from Costa Rica, we flew out to Idaho mere weeks later, then I was serving jury duty and flying to St. Louis for work conferences.  We visited my parents in North Carolina for Labor Day, just adding to the travel.  My brother's wedding this last week, coupled with an entire week in New Hampshire interviewing applicants for work, and I'm exhausted! For the icing on the cake, Topher and I fly to Louisiana the day after Christmas to be with my family, fulfilling this non stop lifestyle of 2010.

The results of this non stop aren't all bad.  I mean, I did get married.

Copyright B. Scott Photo

Copyright B. Scott Photography

I did get to spend time with amazing friends.

Copyright B. Scott Photography
Samantha, me, Paige, Ann Marie, Cara, Alison, Katie

Topher, me, Katie and her husband Cole in Idaho for our reception.

I saw my family a LOT this year, including my mom a whopping 6 times.  That's the most I've seen her since I was 19 and returned home for summer vacation- and it's been wonderful. We've also gotten to spend a good amount of time with my new family.

Me, Topher, My dad, mom, brother Colin and (now!) sister-in-law Lauren

Me, Topher, Topher's bro Scott, his awesome GF Jenny, Toph's mom and step dad

So I'm sticking my flag in the sand for 2011 for the word ADVENTURE.  Topher and I are incredibly hopeful that we'll get our invitation for an amazing experience and we'll continue to grow and develop our love on this adventure called marriage.  Really, no matter what happens, we'll be on this adventure known as life, savoring every boon and pushing through every challenge, together.

Mexico and Marriage!

I just returned from Mazatlan, Mexico where my I gained a sister and my brother, in his words, became half of a new dynamic duo, and I am so elated for this new marriage (and my new tan!)

I have work to do in preparation for a week of travel for work (well, really, just an entire week spent on the campus of Dartmouth interviewing potential candidates) so I'll keep this update brief.  I just wanted to say HI! and I've been dying to tell everyone where I've been for a week! (I didn't share here or on Facebook because of all of those crazies that stalk such things in hopes of robbing people while they're on vacation).

So, Mexico.  Since images speak louder than words, I'll sum up our trip by showing you:

Mexico City is ENDLESS. It was nuts.

My wonderful brother, in the middle, who was one short day away from being a husband!

We're more alike that I'd like to admit, goofing around at his rehearsal on the beach.

There is nothing more gorgeous than a sunset in the background while your brother practices for the most important ceremony of his life.

Suffice it to say, there was a LOT of tequila and general drinking over the week.

Drinking for which we paid a price.  Topher on the morning after the wedding...

While Topher recovered (story coming soon), I hung with the parental units!

Did I mention there was a good deal of alcohol? Yes? Did I forgot the ridiculous balloon hats? Oh, ok.

Open air "taxis" are terrifying the best!

Of course, we gather classic kissing-with-the-ocean-background shots.

Perhaps second best of all (after a week at the beach celebrating my brother's marriage) is the chance to buy amazing chocolate. Kinder is my favorite.

How was your Thanksgiving? I didn't get to say it, so Happy Holidays!