lost

i wrote this last week, long before the senseless tragedy that happened in connecticut.  in retrospect, my story of loss is quite small and insignificant.  it is something that i felt and wrote, though, so i'm publishing it.  my heart goes out to the families who lost their loved ones on friday.

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this is tricky. i did lose something this year.  i blogged about it, a bit, cryptically, earlier this year.  but this year, i had to say goodbye to someone very important to me.

because this year, my little bro (in law, but who's keeping track? i've known the kid since he was twelve, and trust me, nine years later...he's my brother, no "in law" needed) and his girlfriend of three years broke up.

it's ridiculous how sad i was.  i wasn't even in the relationship, directly, but i grieved.  i grieved the loss of someone who felt, already, like my sister.  i grieved the loss of their love, of the future i'd mapped out, ridiculously, in my head.  i grieved.

she is a wonderful, intelligent, funny woman.  i've already shared how much i adore and love scott.  and i loved being with the both of them, together.

eight months later, i think it's safe to say everyone involved has moved on.  i have zero ill will for the woman i lost as a potential sister, and i still believe every positive thought i've ever had for her. and i have even greater love for my little brother- his strength, humor, and optimism.

but yes, i lost this year. i lost, and grieved, and i realized how deeply i value the friendship of women.  how greatly i rely on women to laugh with, shake our heads at the silly things those men sometimes say, and watch cheesy movies with that chris refuses to see.

(who are we kidding, he rarely refuses.  he's sweet like that.  and i think he secretly likes the twilight movies.)

so, sending out love to those who lost this year, whether through the passing of family or friends, or through something as simple yet painful as a break up.  loss sucks, no matter how small or large.

and sending out love to scotty. and to legolas*, always.

*names have been changed. but really, this references a formerly-inside joke. cheers!