Saturday, April 20, 2013

american. abroad.

About a week ago, Topher and I returned from a near-two-week hiatus wherein we jaunted around Thailand and Malaysia.  It was a lovely good time, too.  And I have such grand plans to enthrall you all with the images and stories that encapsulated our time there.

But then, as I was getting settled in and ready to write all about it, Boston happened.  And it never feels right to write on as if nothing has happened, when you're reminded, again, just how much it feels like the world is falling apart, broken pieces, hearts, drifting upwards.

So before we move on with life as normal, this is what I jotted down the morning after (my Tuesday morning, and America's Monday evening.)

>>>>>>>>>>>>


I caught some updates of people at the marathon via facebook and twitter before going to sleep last night- I woke up having dreamed about Boston. It's nuts.

It's all very selfish that one of my first thoughts upon reading about the devastation is to think about how I had just been visiting the streets of Boston in my dream- me, my, I- when I was not there, I did not witness what many, I've heard, will scar them for life- physically and emotionally.  But isn't it rather human to bring catastrophic events down to life size, to chunk them into more manageable pieces- pieces we can view through the lens of our own life?  That's what I'll tell myself as these selfish thoughts run through my mind.

I put off clicking through to CNN as long as I could.  Not because I was afraid, or even really avoiding.  I just had to take a moment to let the tragedy of it all sink in.  I filtered some information through Chris,who was knee deep in reading about it, as I sat there and thought, whilst checking my email.

Being abroad during terrifying and tragic occurrences is like feeling the boom of a huge sound seconds after it happens- the echo of it, hitting you hard in the chest, reverberating. 

For me, it's like when we went to the air show, and the boom of the jets flying overhead hit me, not immediately, but one second after they had passed overhead.

Image. Sound. Impact. BOOM.

Sandy Hook. Boston. Hurricane Sandy.  Hugely terrible things happened.  Happened while I was sleeping.  Terrible things I heard about only the morning after- the evening of, US time.  Like an echo, made corporeal, hitting me in the chest.

I put off diving into the deep, black waters of information about Boston because once you sink down, it's hard to climb back out.  It's hard to turn your back on the pain of your own country, of the people who are you, who are American.  It's hard to ignore it, too, even when you try. 

The boom, it always gets you, and it knocks you down.

Sending my love and thoughts to all around the world, who face tragedy like this daily, whose screams are never heard, and for those who are left behind, to remember it all.

Sending this love and these thoughts especially to my countrymen today. To Boston.

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