reflection, transition: two words

This past week was a period of gathering, celebrating, reflecting, planning, laughing, lamenting, and committing.  That's at least how I'd summarize the Close of Service (COS) Conference experienced by the K5 - the fifth (my) - group of Peace Corps Volunteers in Cambodia.

I've always enjoyed reflection.  Even 'forced' reflection, as friend hilariously referred to much of the conference.  I found it inspiring to take the time to sit with some of my fellow Volunteers and just talk about what the last two years has been about.

At one point, we were asked to write two words to summarize our service.

We wrote these words on index cards and taped them to the wall of the meeting room.  Walking around the room, I read words like 'relationships' and 'rice' and 'independence' and a variety of more negative, less actually reflective words.

I chose to view the exercise through the lens of what I'd gained these last two years.  It could have gone many ways- what did I share with my community, what legacy I'd hoping to leave behind- but I chose to ask myself:

What did Cambodia give me?

And it was clear to me.  It can be summarized as an appreciation.  An appreciation for people, experiences, places. Life.  And a recognition of how far I still would like to grow as a woman, as an educator, as a learner, as a human.  An appreciation for all that I have, and all that I still hope to grow in.  Namely:

...
Self-awareness.  
...
Humility.
...

If you'd asked me two years ago, I'd have said that I definitely had a great degree of self-awareness, and a level of humility I'd have found commendable.

Which is essentially the essence of the problem, no?

True self-awareness, I've learned, is knowing you are constantly changing, growing, learning.  Self-awareness is an acceptance of evolving and an absence of guilt and self-blame.

True humility, I think, is knowing you are always lifting yourself up with a little bit (or a lot) of pride.  Humility is an acceptance that being humble is a daily challenge and a daily willingness to say to yourself "I know a little bit. Other people know more about this (place, experience, person, thing, etc), and I will know even more when I seek out others, when I value their opinion, experiences, knowledge, and voice.  This [blank] will be better with the contribution of others.  I will be better with the contribution of others."

I'd argue I both needed self-awareness and humility for the last two years and gained a greater understanding of what having both really is.

{Which is to say, I have no idea. But I'm trying to learn, slowly but surely.}