self censorship

today, for the first time in cambodia, i cried.  not great heaving sobs, but frustrated, down trodden dribbles of tears for about five minutes.

i was trying to go for a "never crying in cambodia" jag, but today, it just couldn't be helped.

but let's talk about the saddest thing that crossed my mind in my lowest moments of frustration.  i contemplated actually posting a facebook status lamenting the non-arrival of three boxes from our family that were mailed weeks ago, the impending arrival of a holiday without our family, and my deep aching soul related to both.

but i didn't.  i couldn't.  i could not let myself succumb to the ridiculous oversharing that my generation seems to deem necessary to exist.

in fact, just this weekend, i actually had to unfollow someone on twitter because in the once monthly twitter log ins i do from my new country, i actually could not stand her bitter, lamenting comments on just how horrible, sad, and unfair her life was.

i've also "un-subscribed" from friend type people on the fbook as well for their constant bemoaning.  i'm sorry you have a headache. again. and that it's raining. again.  and that dunkin donuts didn't have your flavor of sweetener today.  i'm just really, really sorry.

so, i've decided that what i'd like for christmas is a little self censorship.  what say ye, children of the 80's? let's go with it.

eta: it seems that twenty three percent of people also agree that depressing comments is a good reason to unfriend someone on fb!  check out this huffington post article!

why jo, anne, heidi, mistress mary and even amy are my fictionary soulmates

so because i plowed through the recently popular books that i'd been holding out on (such as the help and all of the millenium series), i decided to fall back on those free books i'd downloaded with the desperate to need to have a full kindle, a full library abroad.

in fact, i resorted to the books that i'd read once as a young girl and had either a) discarded in favor of the babysitters club or b) decided to enjoy the movie versions more, with the likes of christian bale and maggie smith.  

can you think of it?

yes, i fell desperately, deeply and irrevocably (a la bella) in love with the lovely classics written about women.

like, little women.

and the entire anne of green gables collection.

and the secret garden.

and even heidi.

if you can believe it, jo is far more endearing on paper than when winona ryder played her.  and, even better, i absolutely fell for miss amy, who started out as a silly little girl and turns into this actually really sweet, kind-hearted, woman who has the ability to...

forgive other women with grace, humor and genuine understanding when they maliciously try to take credit for her awesomeness; make laurie realize that he needed to get back on track and grow up; was willing to marry fred vaughn not out of some haughty love of money but really because a girl growing up in the 1860's realizes that some daughter has to find a way to take care of the family.

why, i actually found myself wishing i had the temperament not JUST of miss jo, but of blonde, snub-nosed miss amy even a bit more.

and then there's anne. my god, how i AM anne.  i was am such a strange little creature unto this world, such that when i was little i spent hours entertaining myself wherein my mother would come looking for me, because i was so quiet, imagining games and worlds for myself.  i love everything there is to love about anne.

why, when she was facing marilla and ever so politely trying not to cry as she imagined her return to the orphanage, i was actually crying for her.  me, all misty eyed, because you just know this little ten year old girl deserves the amazing world of green gables.

and then i cried when she got to stay, and i instantly longed for a bosom buddy such as diana and i just know that a girl is meant to have ever so many bosom friends throughout life, as anne does as she travels from avonlea to the island to her dream home on the coast, and i just believe that women should be allowed to shout out "i love you!" to each other, even when they both have husbands, and children, and many other interests.  because love just shouldn't be constrained, even platonic love.

le sigh.

and even though mistress mary quite contrary in the secret garden is such an unloving, unloved little thing, my heart just reached out to her, playing on the moors, and i could feel the cold wind in my hair and the earth build up under my nailbeds as she and dickon resurrected rose bush after rose bush. 

and all i want now is to speak to sparrows and rescue foxes, like my own little dickon-ess.

so, as it turns out, the classics and their heroines are so much more wonderful when read through the eyes of a twenty six year old, rather than a nine year old.

do tell me, who reaches out to you from the yellowed pages of classic novels and speaks directly to your soul, like the deepest of bosom friends?

and tell me, if you could have just one young woman for the lifetime of bosomness, just who would you choose?

i can't choose between anne from her house of dreams, or amy from her time living abroad. i do think all three of us would get along just splendidly.

Every Human Should: Know How to Drive a Manual

Happy Tuesday loves!  I don't have any gooey goodness for you today, but I do have some human commentary for you!

Once upon a time, I was a little chickadee of sixteen.  My parents drove home one weekend with a brand new car.  I assumed said car was for ME!

It was not.

BUT. They said I could drive it.

When (or if) I learned how to drive it.

See, it was a manual. A STICK SHIFT.  A need-to-know-what-a-clutch-is car.

Well, shit.

After a few long months of figuring out that clutch business, finding the sweet spot, grinding a few gears, I finally could navigate that little teal ball of baby car love without stalling it at every stop sign and on every hill.

I drove that little spitfire for seven lovely years.  I drove that little baby car until it got smashed up one rainy morning in my second year of teaching.  It had just been paid off a few months before, and gifted to me officially from my wonderful parents. I was enjoying my happy little car and my lack of car payment.

Le sigh.

So. Every human should know how to use a stick shift. Just in case someday your parents drive home with a new car and say you can have it WHEN you learn how to drive it.

Loves to you, dear friends, and dear, departed car. How I loved thee.

Oh yeah, in 2007-2008, I went through this "let's have dark hair" stage.

meet this woman. help this woman. do it now.

See this gorgeous woman?

This is Layla's photo. Don't steal it or use it without permission or I will hunt you down and hurt you physically and emotionally.

She is an amazing soul that I have had the pleasure of "knowing" here online.  And now, she needs our help.

Now is the time for everyone to act. To give some love back to this woman, as the health care system seems to have turned their back on her.

You can help. Now, today.  Read her story. Spread the word. Join in the upcoming bake sale.

------

One month after her 30th birthday, Layla was diagnosed with early stage cervical cancer (1A Adenocarcinoma). She was extraordinarily lucky that it was caught early and had a simple surgery to remove the cancerous cells.

Three years later, Layla was in horrible pain that affected nearly every aspect of her life. Temporarily uninsured due to a job change, she paid out of pocket last October to go to the doctor and make sure the cancer had not returned. Thankfully, it had not. However, her doctor believes that she has pelvic adhesions and Endometriosis due to the previous surgery, but it can’t be diagnosed until an additional surgery (laparoscopy) is performed. The doctor also found out Layla has cervical stenosis, which basically means her cervix has completely shut down due to the scar tissue from the previous surgery. These issues make her miserable most of the time, making simple things like going to the bathroom and menstruation horribly painful, and sexual intercourse impossible. He stated that if she wanted to have children one day, even sperm could not pass through her cervix, and she would have to have intrauterine insemination.

The doctor wanted to schedule surgery as soon as the insurance at her new job went into effect. Her company fired her the day her insurance became valid, ten days before Christmas, plainly stating that it was because of her health issues.

Fortunately, she got on her husband’s insurance, which went into effect February 1st. As soon as she could, Layla scheduled surgery for March 22nd. Then her insurance company dropped a bomb: because she went to the doctor (even as a self-pay patient) within a three month period prior to her enrollment date, they were considering her health issues to be a pre-existing condition, and would not insure any doctor visits, medication, or surgery for 388 days.

When you are in near constant pain and can’t work, 388 days is a long time to wait. The sooner Layla can have this surgery, the sooner she can return to work (hopefully with a nicer company!) and start living her life again. Her doctor has been nice enough to work out a deal with her if she can pay as a cash patient: he decreased the amount of her surgery to $4,000, and the cost of the anesthesia to $500, with additional fees for biopsies of removed tissue to be determined.

The problem is, Layla is unemployed due to this, has used her savings to pay for living expenses and medical bills, and has been denied loans for the surgery because of her unemployment status. She does not have close family, so she can’t ask them for help.Surgery is scheduled for March 22nd, and Layla and her husband are still trying to secure a loan through several banks.

-------

How can you help? Donate directly by going to Operation Layla. Share the story. Just do it!

Vlog Friday: My First Kiss (to the third power)

Why hello there again!  I am very much excited for this week's Vlog Friday post- I LOVE reminiscing.  I also love kissing. Especially le hubs.

The VERY very uber beginning.

Ah, young love. First kisses.  I decided to tell you about three of mine- the first one when I didn't mean to have in first grade, the REAL first one, and me and Topher's first.

Sweet sighs of joy.

Did you enjoy my re-enactment of my very first first kiss?

Join us next week for SHOW and TELL, in honor of Spring coming SOON (please, Spring, please!):

• Show us your favorite spring outfit.  Sass it up.  Tell us why you love it.

Did you join in this week? Comment below and let me know so I can link to your wonderful vlog!

We Vlog Friday. Do you?

• Adventures in Love and Happiness
• Folly Life
• Forget Me (Not)
• Blogimony
• Of Food and Friends
• Heart on Homestead
• Kimberly Michelle
• The Little Things

Even if you don't vlog, tell me:

what was your first kiss like?

what's your role?

Some of you know this, and others may have figured it by clicking through the links I sometimes use to allude to the organization of which I am a part, both as an alumna and a staff member.  That organization is Teach For America.

All pictures in this post of my classroom.

As such, this is a sponsored post.

It's sponsored by the sixty students I taught in Baltimore and the 9,000+ I affect each day in my current role.

I would love to show you my amazing children. However, it's illegal and I'm not down with putting them up all over the 'nets.

These 9,000 students have been limited and defined by their income level, race and zip code because of the strangling education system in our country, and the confines of poverty that we allow to exist in housing, health care, transportation, and most of all, education.

I am a 2007 Teach For America Baltimore Alumna, and I taught 7th and 8th grade social studies and English language arts for two years in South Baltimore.  I now work in a position where I directly support 40 new teachers who mainly teach social studies and I love every minute of the exhausting, challenging work.

This weekend, I and 10,700 alumni, corps members (teachers), and supporters descended upon the Convention Center in my backyard in DC to focus our energy on bandying around the question of HOW do we take this movement, this belief that all children deserve an equal education, to scale in this nation?

You see, the question is no longer CAN WE or WILL WE, it's now HOW do we do it FASTEST?

There was great discussion around charter schools, controversial laws ending teacher tenure, the effectiveness of young teachers, the impact of race on the enduring achievement gap, who is best to get this all done and how Teach For America teachers, alums, and supporters across the nation can lead the charge.

The best part about this gathering, this anniversary celebration, is that there is no one clear answer.  Not from the hundred or so panelists, from Joel Klein, former NY Superintendent, to Beverly Tatum, President of Spelman College; not from the thousands of alumni both in and out of education; not from our CEO and Founder, Wendy Kopp.

There are thousands of opinions on how to accomplish our mission that one day, all children will have the opportunity to attain an excellent education, and we all had the chance to listen and share this weekend.

It will take every single one of us, those part of education organizations like Teach For America and not, to attack this issue and to dismantle the oppressive systems low income and minority children are forced to fight against every day.

Because my students and every single child in this country is a brilliant mind just waiting to be filled with knowledge.

Because my children are just as smart as your children.

Because just because my kids are black and from South Baltimore doesn't mean they don't deserve the same amazing education you and I were given.

Because I know that the 11,000 people at the Convention Center this weekend can't be the only ones who care, and the only ones affected by this civil rights issue.

To say that this weekend was inspiring is an offensive understatement.  I have more to do, you have more to do, this country has more to do.

We all have a role to play in ending the severe injustice that plagues hundreds of thousands of American children every day.  Insist on better.  Please click on that link and read it.

Volunteer. Donate. Join the fight to change policies, laws, and regulations.  If you're in health care, serve the areas that need it the most.  If you're in school, study this and write about it.  If you teach, teach the students who are being left behind.

If you're human, just share this story.  It's a movement made of people, and we can grow the tide with our words, stories, and truth.

Get involved.

things every human should do: visit New Orleans

I am half French (Acadian French-Cajun to most people- and French Creole, to be exact.)  With these roots comes the luxury of amazing food, friendly people and certain responsibilities. Namely, spreading the love.

It's time to spread the love about my "home" (well, recent historic home, as the French in the Southern US were actually cast back and forth England and France before being banished to Nova Scotia and finally shipped, literally, to the Gulf Coast and thus taking on the French Creole and Acadian/Cajun things we now know and love.)

Ok, sorry about the history lesson.

I love Louisiana. Specifically, New Orleans.  Have you been? You should go. I get to go back to Louisiana each year for Christmas, as it is where my mother spent a large portion of her youth and where my grandmother and one uncle still live.

This year, I brought Topher with me. He LOVED it.  The food, the people, even the streets of New Orleans.  I'm really excited to head back down to New Orleans this spring, and to share my excitement, you really ought to check out this year's pictures from New Orleans and get your arse down there for a weekend soon.

Let's start with my wonderful cajun Momo (grandmother), who made delicious gumbo for us while down there:

 So, New Orleans.  My family usually goes to Masperro's, which is great but a bit touristy and usually packed. It's on Chartres street, right near St. Louis Cathedral.

This time, we decided to stop by a different spot. There's some debate where it was, but after scouring the menu, I'm 90% sure it was Primo's Bar. Yep, tourist trappy, but yep, also good.

We immediately ordered Hurricanes. A must do in New Orleans- please do it.  A classic? Pat O'Brien's.  Pat's is great, though also a bit overpriced because of how well known it is.

 Even Ma and Pa kept up with us drinking in N'awlins.

I like Hurricanes. You should too.

 Chris likes Hurricanes.

 I got some yummy shrimp and andouille sausage pizza.

 Topher got his first alligator po'boy.

 Topher liked this place because they soaked their vodka in olives and peppers and stuff which became the base for their Bloody Mary.

 After lunch, we began to traipse the French Quarter.  With a few drinks each, we were feeling goooood.

 While in New Orleans, you have to marvel at all of the beautiful architecture. And take millions of photos of it.

 Below you'll see Jackson Square, with the St. Louis Cathedral on the left.

 I'm the type of dork that likes taking photos of such things as building signs.

You have to love the (daytime) street performers.

 There's a very touristy, kitchzy street fair...but also a yummy chocolate shop.

 Obviously, you have to stop at the original Cafe du Monde.

 There are just a few things on the menu- and really, you only need a few things. Beignets. They come in orders of 3, covered in powdered sugar, for around $3.50.  Cafe au lait, also cheap at $2.50. The best coffee because it contains chicory.  I hate coffee, so Coca Cola works well too.

True marks of N'awlins- sugar on the lips.

Ok, I know you were waiting for it. Hand grenades.

Fluorescent lime plastic.

We were excited. That's my sister in law in the middle.

Daddy loved his hand grenade.

And now, halfway through the hand grenade, the world began to be a bit..lopsided.

...it also became blurry...

This is Antoine's, the country's oldest family run restaurant.

You have to take a look at St. Louis Cathedral. Gorgeous grounds, but they close as darkness falls.

Also after dark, more...characters come out. This is the tamest of what you'll see, but since who knows who'll stumble across this, I'll keep this PG.

Thoughts? Comments?