everything i wanted to say, said better than i could

i'm pretty sure i've titled five draft posts, all with the words "one year" in them.

i've been drowning in the how, the how of capturing what my life has been the last twelve months, what living in cambodia as an american volunteer is like, and how i can help you all see it without constantly streaming my every thought and interaction.

and then a fellow volunteer, a k5 just like me, and an awesome married one to boot, wrote this:

Reflections on Cambodia: Year One

and it has struck a chord with every single cambodian peace corps volunteer i have spoken with.

katie captures our daily life here, the frustrations, the reasons for our heartache, for our questioning of ourselves and our work, the reasons for our hope and happiness and the deep exhilaration at the beginning of each day.

some of my favorite lines from katie's eloquent post:

Cambodia is the sound of roosters in the mornings and dogs at night. The monks’ rhythmic chanting drifting from the wat. It’s the discordant sounds of a wedding or a funeral. Dishes clinking next door or a baby crying. Cambodia is Pitbull and K*Pop, Karaoke and Prom Manh. It’s that same female voice, shrill and submissive, blaring from the TV. Cambodia is the deafening sound of a monsoon falling on the roof. And it’s a silence, a devastating silence, when voices should be heard.

and these:

Cambodia is emerald fields and killing fields. Disappearing forests and lakes filled with dirt. It’s a flood that ruins the crops. Cambodia is border wars and broken promises. It’s a billion dollars of aid and discouraging results.

and finally, these last words:

Cambodia is rice farmers. Factory workers. Small business owners. Cambodia is a yay with a checkered kroma tied on her hairless head. A grandfather speaking French under his breath. It’s a teacher trying to do the right thing. A mother standing up for her community. Cambodia is a seller in the market, giving a discount and a smile. It’s a tour guide, beaming with pride. 

Cambodia is exhilarating, inspiring and exhausting. 

And, for now, Cambodia is my home.

please click over and spend a few minutes immersed in her post.

while i return to my five empty posts and begin again processing this experience and attempts at insight.