i mean it!

i've recently come to the conclusion that when i say, "i mean it!" i really mean "i'm going to try really hard but i desperately lack willpower so this will probably all be over in a matter of days!" 

as in:

statement: "i'm going to give up coca cola! i mean it!"
translation: "i'm going to not drink coca cola anymore after i finish the four that are in the fridge and i'll do really well for two days, and then i'll remember how delicious it is and why else do i have coozies if not to put a coca cola in them, am i crazy? i mean it!"

or:

statement: "i'm going vegetarian! i mean it!"
translation: "i'm going to not eat meat for a whole four days and then get cranky and emotionally eat a wendy's cheeseburger and then give up meat again for another five days until we go to the renaissance festival and i have to eat a turkey leg and then i'll give up because who are we kidding anyways? i mean it!"

or this one:

statement: "i'm going on a cleanse with chris! salads and fruits and veggies, only! i mean it!"
translation: "but tonight i'm going to eat a whole can of crescent rolls in preparation for the cleanse, and then tomorrow night after i eat quinoa for the first time, i'm going to give up on the cleanse because who eats just that crap, am i crazy? i mean it!"

or maybe this one:

statement: "i'm going to become a runner again! i mean it!"
translation: "i'm going to write all of these running goals in my weekly planner and this will motivate me until i do it for a few days and then realize a month later that i've been not-so-discreetly crossing those previously written goals off every.single.day because who are we kidding anyways? i mean it!"


guys, i suck at willpower. i mean it.

and i've come to realize that this is probably something i need to remedy before we start the kids talk? but that also, this mostly only applies to comments made related to self-improvement? so, maybe i just need to stop setting self-improvement goals.

stop the goal setting! down with self-improvement pursuits! just be free and let yourself be!

oh, the sweet sounds of the anthem of apathy.