on things i love about mormons

recently, existential type discussions with topher and (sometimes not so nice) articles on the interwebs has me thinking about mormons.

i grew up in southeast idaho, in an incredibly LDS populated area. i grew up in a town that is, according to examiner.com, 75% mormon.  the only place with a higher LDS population is in utah, in provo-orem.

i am not LDS.  growing up, i was baptized catholic, received my first communion in the catholic church, and then attended the episcopal church with my family until i left for college at seventeen. 

at times, it was incredibly difficult growing up non-mormon in a town that felt, for all intents and purposes, ran by the mormon church.  at times, it seemed as though 'not mormon' was stamped on my head during events where everyone seemed to know one everyone else's siblings and parents and cousins.

growing up, i was sad that i didn't get a CTR ring at eight- and maybe more sad because my neighborhood playmates pointed out that i never would because i was 'not mormon.'

i was sad in junior high when a close friend told me that she wasn't sure she could be my friend because she learned at church that i wouldn't be going to same place in heaven as her because i was 'not mormon.'

now, nearly ten years after i moved from idaho to washington dc, i have a deeper understanding and even appreciation for the 'not-ness' i felt as a young girl. what felt like ostracism to me was actually a manifestation of one of the greatest aspects of the LDS religion:

a deep sense of family, community, and conviction in the truth of their beliefs.

it's extremely difficult to understand the nuance of this as an eight year-old (and maybe, for some reading this, even as a thirty eight-year-old), but i truly do not believe that what i took as deliberate exclusions were, in fact, deliberate. they weren't even sad, mean, or intentionally cruel.

no matter what religion surrounds you, if you are one of the few only 'nots' and each weekend, your peers are with each other, learning about the unifying thing that is god and religion, hearing each other's testimonies, learning from one another's parents, and siblings, and reading a common book of hard work and grace, it'd be hard NOT to ostracize- purposely or accidentally- others, those 'nots.'  because you are connected by something greater than the earthly realm, a truth you so deeply believe, you are a community unto yourself.  

what i know about mormons i learned from mormons i actually know.  (well, mostly really know.)

in high school, i was lucky enough to be a part of a group of friends that included one of the most devout mormon women i've ever known. this friend- molly, let's say- was the epitome of everything a good young LDS girl should be.  modest in speech, dress and action.  she has a large family, and her father was the head of the household and the person she had to receive permission from each weekend or evening we friends wanted to do something.  molly was everything that some of those on the internet these days could point to and say "see, look! she's so happy all the time, it just can't be real!  she's designed to go out into the world and spread her happiness so that everyone will think mormons are really cool, and not weird! she's a plant, walking your high school halls, spreading her happiness!"

but you know what? molly really IS the happiest, kindest, most warm hearted and generous people i have ever met in my twenty six years of life.  she was the first of my friends to ask me how i was feeling, or follow up on specific things that had made me anxious, or worried, and or excited.  she was the friend that i could count on to always listen to a terribly long story about this boy that looked at me during sixth period.  she was the friend that i knew would always be thinking about something she could do to help someone else.  i truly cannot think of any other word for this girl other than completely and utterly selfless.

and, you know what again? i think she was like this because, mainly, she embodied everything that the mormon religion teaches young girls.  she was kind, and helpful, and feminine, and genuine.  she had friends in every single circle in the school- from the jocks to the debate team.  she didn't care if you weren't cool in the eyes of high school or if you were the head cheerleader. she knew you, liked you, and dammit, you liked her.  

molly is, to me, the embodiment of all that is mormon.  she is, as the common world defines it, a true christian.

i wish i were more like molly.

in college, i became acquainted with the woman who was head of the head women's organization on campus, an off shoot of our student government.  she led take back the night, funded and planned the vagina monologues, and led the charge for a million feminist things that we feminists are always yelling about. you know.

and then i found out she had, that year, decided to convert to mormonism.  i had to ask her "why?"  growing up, i'd thought that women in the church actually suffered from a deep lack of power and were relegated to a life of housework and child rearing.

and this woman, this twenty one year old feminist mormon said to me, "i am now a mormon because i believe, as does the LDS church, that as a woman, i am divine and i am imbued with those feminine qualities that make me the important other half to men.  as a woman, i have the divinity to birth and raise children.  only women have this power.  i believe so deeply in my own capacity for love and i believe in honoring women for this divinity."

and i of course, was speechless.  and thus began my long, winding path toward a deeper understanding of actual feminism.  one that believes that true feminism is actually all women having the power to choose- their life partners, their roles in the home and out.  

a deeper understanding that actually has me saying to myself "by golly, but there IS something wholly divine in that whole idea of being a woman and holding THE key, THE X chromosome, that actually allows for procreation, and birth, and children, and LIFE.  that is something special, that i have it, just me, because i'm a WOMAN. and perhaps there is something actual real to this whole 'maternal instinct' thing.  maybe this is why i am so achingly excited to someday be a mother, a real, live mother."

and so, because of molly and my feminist mormon, i am heretofore actually a bit enlightened. 

and then there are the interwebs.  there are people out there that will write about the shiny, happy, surreal, nay, "unreal" lives of mormon women content in being mother. women that i personally read every single week, and feel a deep, abiding, interwebs love for.  amazing, strong, smart MORMON women that actually serve to inspire me, and push me to think just a bit harder about this little thing that is mormonism, and motherhood and LIFE.  women like jenna and natalie.

maybe there are things that don't settle with me about the LDS religion.  but this is true for me as in ANY religion.  but being a non-religious person who has very different thoughts on what's coming after our heart stops beating doesn't stop me from believing in two very important things:


one: generally, people are good and two: that which you put out in the universe, you will receive.  how you serve others, help others, support others, love others will color and shape your own life happiness.

i also happen to think that these two things speak to the heart of mormonism.  

thusly, there are things that i love about mormonism, and things that i entirely intend to capture in my family when little ones are finally added to it.

to begin with, let's talk about family home evening.  one night where you just stay in, with your spouse and children and love each other? wherein you maybe play some board games and drink some hot chocolate and generally love each other, despite the insanity of the world around you?

um, yes please.

and then there's that whole having an actual day of rest on sunday.  you mean, a whole day where we try to avoid electronics, and we read and, again, perhaps just generally enjoy each other's company and talk about the thinks in life we're grateful for?

again, yes.

so, families come first for mormons.  this is because they believe that families are sealed forever.  without diving into that topic, let's just stop and ponder what humanity would be like if everyone actually put their family's health, happiness and well being over all else.  

so, again, yes please.

what about mutual, and that whole crazy idea of having young men and women come together each week to just be girls and boys and talk about things that could make them better people and perhaps less frustrated teens in general?

i actually did this, as a teen, when i joined the christian young women's leadership group called job's daughters.  it was amazing.  all young people should have such an opportunity. and why yes, i was an honored queen, thank you very much!

the idea of seeking out, preserving and valuing family history?

umm, yeah!

and finally, even the act of a couple, praying together, every night.  having the chance to maintain an intimate bond wherein you share your greatest happiness, troubling sorrows, plaguing questions and worries is probably the best thing you can, verbally, to maintain a deep connection with your spouse, especially over time, as you build a family, careers, and grow ever farther away from that honeymoon stage.

though topher and i don't pray to a heavenly father, we do take time to stop and talk about these things, and i sincerely expect that if we're able to do this over the many years of marriage, our love and bond might actually cause some out there to say 'why are they so happy?!...'

'...like those damn mormons!'

and so, because i know this is perhaps a very long thing to read, and digest, and a very difficult thing for me to actually dutifully express my nuanced thoughts, please to be sharing:

what things do you love about mormons? 

or maybe,

what things do you love about a group in society, or a person, who is, at surface level, so different from yourself, but deep down, a person or group you should mayhaps be learning a bit from?

do they know it's christmas time at all?

happy december 8th all!  did you know it's less than three weeks until christmas?  really, it's nearly two weeks!

i certainly can't believe it.  i can't decide if it's because:

a) it's eighty-five degrees with ninety five percent humidity again and the closest i've gotten to seeing snow was when i made topher and myself squint really hard while looking at a rusty roof the other day because if you looked real hard, it almost looked like there was snow in between the rusty parts.

b) a scorpion walked into our house tonight and nearly bit topher.  you just don't usually get scorpions at christmastime, you know?

c) topher and i's christmas tree is really a tree outside of our bathroom, featuring our hanging towels. it's got little gold boblet things on the end, though, like lights.  if you squint real hard...nevermind, i'm giving up on that game.

d) two nights ago we watched the only christmas movie we happen to have here, which was my impulse buy of the santa clause, wherein topher said during our viewing "it's not even really that great of a christmas movie" to which i had to defend our ONE AND ONLY CHRISTMAS MOVIE IN CAMBODIA by then quoting as much of the movie as possible to prove that was awesome in 1995 is just as awesome now.

"it's a gift from the cable company.  we're getting the disney channel. merry christmas!"

let's go with d, yeah?  and let's break down the best christmas movies, because this is what topher and i did biking to school the other day.  

he said "name the two christmas movies you'd choose over all others."

to which i said "do you know me at all? i couldn't pick two anythings, let alone christmas movies.  there are dozens i luuuurrrrvvvveee!"

to which he said "it's obvious that it's "christmas vacation" and "it's a wonderful life." it's not that hard."

and so i say unto you, you KNOW it is that hard, and so i present the top christmas movies i'd have watched already, in my pajamas, on my couch, with hot chocolate and my puppers and hubbers and maybe even YOU if i was in the land of denny's and hockey.

and you don't get pictures because frankly it costs a lot to download pictures from the interwebs of screen shots from these movies, you know? 

so you get our respective favorite quotes from each. BETTA, methinks!

it's a wonderful life

topher: "merry christmas, movie house!"

kate: "teacher says, every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings" (obviously!)

elf

him: "he's an angry elf!"

her: "i just like to smile, smiling's my favorite!"

home alone

chris: "look what you did, you little jerk!"

kate: "buzz, your girlfriend, woof!"

a christmas story

kate: "fra-gee-lay. it must be italian!"

toph: this is not in my top ten, leave me alone kate.

miracle on 34th street

kate: "i believe...i believe... it's silly but i believe!"

the santa clause

topher: "haven't you guys heard of basting?"

kate: "tinsel: not just for decoration!"

charlie brown christmas

kate: "it's too early. i never eat december snowflakes. i always wait until january."

topher: i didn't watch this growing up, kate 

christmas vacation

kate AND chris: "and why is the carpet all wet, todd?" 

"i don't know, margo!"

we tend to say this to each other, all the time.

and perhaps the best proof that it doesn't quite feel like christmas:

e) it took hubs-a-dub and i a full ten minutes to generate even the measly list above.  because, as it turns out, when you don't have tbs and tnt playing the steady stream of christmas favorites, you're apt to forget what you love.

which in the long run, might just serve us better, yeah?

also, turns out, spending half an hour remembering holiday movie quotes with your husband can be a great way to get in the holiday spirit, half a world from pine and tinsel and family.

happy holiday season, all!

so do please share, what is the one christmas movie i should have impulse bought for two years in a foreign country if you could?


of course, you could also share your favorite holiday movie quote?

why jo, anne, heidi, mistress mary and even amy are my fictionary soulmates

so because i plowed through the recently popular books that i'd been holding out on (such as the help and all of the millenium series), i decided to fall back on those free books i'd downloaded with the desperate to need to have a full kindle, a full library abroad.

in fact, i resorted to the books that i'd read once as a young girl and had either a) discarded in favor of the babysitters club or b) decided to enjoy the movie versions more, with the likes of christian bale and maggie smith.  

can you think of it?

yes, i fell desperately, deeply and irrevocably (a la bella) in love with the lovely classics written about women.

like, little women.

and the entire anne of green gables collection.

and the secret garden.

and even heidi.

if you can believe it, jo is far more endearing on paper than when winona ryder played her.  and, even better, i absolutely fell for miss amy, who started out as a silly little girl and turns into this actually really sweet, kind-hearted, woman who has the ability to...

forgive other women with grace, humor and genuine understanding when they maliciously try to take credit for her awesomeness; make laurie realize that he needed to get back on track and grow up; was willing to marry fred vaughn not out of some haughty love of money but really because a girl growing up in the 1860's realizes that some daughter has to find a way to take care of the family.

why, i actually found myself wishing i had the temperament not JUST of miss jo, but of blonde, snub-nosed miss amy even a bit more.

and then there's anne. my god, how i AM anne.  i was am such a strange little creature unto this world, such that when i was little i spent hours entertaining myself wherein my mother would come looking for me, because i was so quiet, imagining games and worlds for myself.  i love everything there is to love about anne.

why, when she was facing marilla and ever so politely trying not to cry as she imagined her return to the orphanage, i was actually crying for her.  me, all misty eyed, because you just know this little ten year old girl deserves the amazing world of green gables.

and then i cried when she got to stay, and i instantly longed for a bosom buddy such as diana and i just know that a girl is meant to have ever so many bosom friends throughout life, as anne does as she travels from avonlea to the island to her dream home on the coast, and i just believe that women should be allowed to shout out "i love you!" to each other, even when they both have husbands, and children, and many other interests.  because love just shouldn't be constrained, even platonic love.

le sigh.

and even though mistress mary quite contrary in the secret garden is such an unloving, unloved little thing, my heart just reached out to her, playing on the moors, and i could feel the cold wind in my hair and the earth build up under my nailbeds as she and dickon resurrected rose bush after rose bush. 

and all i want now is to speak to sparrows and rescue foxes, like my own little dickon-ess.

so, as it turns out, the classics and their heroines are so much more wonderful when read through the eyes of a twenty six year old, rather than a nine year old.

do tell me, who reaches out to you from the yellowed pages of classic novels and speaks directly to your soul, like the deepest of bosom friends?

and tell me, if you could have just one young woman for the lifetime of bosomness, just who would you choose?

i can't choose between anne from her house of dreams, or amy from her time living abroad. i do think all three of us would get along just splendidly.

the typical wanderings of a monday

on sunday night, i stayed up just a bit too late watching episodes of glee that topherlicious got for me, wherein i was so cold because now it is the cold season (?) in cambodia and i had to take a real euro shower wherein i take as little time as possible, turn off the water to soap up, and then do the shimmy as i cleanse myself. and then when i exited the bathroom, i did NOT stand in front of the fan to air dry because i was in fact COLD being that it is now in the low seventies in the evenings and it's INSANE.

which is all meant to say that i went to bed late and therefore the morning came a bit too quickly for my liking, and my dream's liking, as i was totally singing total eclipse of the heart better than lea michelle, and then i had to hasten to dress and bike and show up in my lovely, but dusty classroom to teach my trainees about nothing better than....

handwriting and simple cursive!

in which, after my long lesson teaching not actual cursive but 'simple cursive' so that my trainees could, in turn, teach their future-anon students the virtues of simple cursive, or 'joined up letters' wherein you join 'th' and 'nt' and 'et', a student had the thought to ask:

but why even do our students need to learn cursive?

to which i wanted to say:

'because i had to in second grade and if i had to endure the torture that is a cursive 'z' (what IS that?!), so do you and your students!'

but what i really did say:

'because just like in khmer, english has many forms, some fancier than others, and things like cursive are used in places where our students might need to read and comprehend (like, for example, in signs or notes from a superior or such) just like here in cambodia we use fancy, scripty capital letters for ALL signage and important documents such that hopeless little khmer learners like myself are completely baffled by all important information signage, despite memorizing a whole FIVE consonants and FIVE vowels.'

which is mainly a true account of mostly what i said, except the first/real time it was a bit less bitter?! i think.

and then after class, all i wanted was an ice cold coca cola classic but the tela mart did not have it for the second week running!

and thusly i had to settle for...PEPSI. i know.  

so i drank that, cold because it was, with some little harry potter (the british paperback version) on the side and it was simply wonderful, minus the fact that is was pepsi.

i also ate some chocolate wafers that absolutely lack any real substance of chocolate in them, but they are still somewhat chocolate-ish so i purchase them.  because, honestly, you take what you can get when the world is out of coca cola and the coca-light is another mart away and twice the price of coca classic.

and then topher came to join me, and we were going to work a bit at our new library, but it was closed for reasons unknown, so we decided to seek in search of the best thing we know sometimes, which is...

this pork dish that we don't know the name of that our market sometimes has in a big pot for sale.

needless to say, the market didn't have it today, so we bought other food for cookings, but decided instead of making lunch today, instead we'd go ahead and seek out some diarrhea in the form of cold noodles from who-knows-how-long-made and are-they-washed-i-don't-know vegetables with a mystery meat on top and some wonderful brown juice that is poured on top.

it was quite delicious, and i actually didn't get diarrhea but topher and i did slap fives and say:

'cheers to giving up the pork thing we wanted for diarrhea instead! worth it!'

because we didn't have to cook, you know?

and then after lunch i had to turn all 'super-disappointed-teacher' on my trainees because they were just golly darn rude while their peer did a practice lesson in the afternoon (that we do each afternoon lesson) and so i had to stand on up there, give him feedback and THEN, write on the board (to avoid deep miscommunication across two languages):

'it is rude to talk with your friends, read, text, or do other work while your friend is teaching.'

and then they were rightfully abashed, agreed wholeheartedly and the second hour of practice teaching went far more smoothly, which i'd like to credit to my shaming them as i've shamed many a students back in ye-olde-america.

and then finally, i discovered the lost joys of the word golly and all the phrases that do come with it.

like 'good golly!', or 'golly me!' or 'by golly!'

and today, i used all three quite proudly.

how was your monday?

also, is this not what you wanted when you said a typical day?

and, tell me, what is your favorite, long lost forgotten turn of phrase that could replace an expletive in our modern meanderings?

on things that save marriages

why is it that i do despise washing dishes so dearly?

it is mostly because i dislike cooking more, and here in this little homestead, we do honor such things as that stupid, nearly universal law that dictates:

he who doth perform the cooking magic shall therefore ever be released from the duties of cleansing the used dishes and pans

perhaps it is because i do despise cooking even more than the water warped fingertips and ruined nail polish that is an inevitable happenstance due to said dishwashing.

my mom and i've always maintained that i dislike cooking because it takes so much time and i had anything but time in america.  we say this often when we get together, sitting around the table in their screened-in porch in north carolina, we say to my husband, poor man:

"its not that she isn't a good cook, it's just that she's so impatient. she doesn't have the time to create a delicious meal- the thirty minutes required are just too much for her schedule right now."

except that now, all i have in cambodia is time and carrots and onions and chewy pork and you know what, mom? 

i still don't really like cooking.

i still don't like doing dishes either.

but i'll take it over the chopping and sautee-ing and stirring bit.

you're welcome, topher. 

also, thank you, because you're way better at those -ings than i'll ever be.

and sorry sometimes i do my nails while you're cooking, necessitating you to do the dishes anyway.

also, sorry that i sold you on a lie that someday down the line, i'd enjoy cooking. and maybe be good at it.

but you like it this way better, yes? yes?!

so now it's to you to share those things that create such a harmonious balance in your happy abode below- yes, please?

Khmer Curry: A Recipe

This week I have been feeling bits of crummy under the weather.  To escape such things, Topher and I are jaunting off to a nearby town this weekend that is complete with ribs, pancakes and just the two of us.

However, a few weekends back, we made our usual Saturday trek to our former training village to study Khmer and this time, learn how to make Khmer curry, which is uber amounts of delicious!

Many people were excited about these endeavors.

I believe this recipe can be easily replicated in both Cambodian and American kitchens.  Try it out, will ya and let me know if you think it's delicious?

Oh, and I've converted it to American kitchens in parentheses!

Khmer Curry: A Recipe 

courtesy of Siphen, an amazing woman

serves 5-6 people

100 grams dried, red chilis (about a cup or so)

1 kilo coconut shavings (2 cans of coconut milk)

100 grams lemongrass (about 3/4 of a cup)

5 cloves garlic

2 roots of tumeric (about a 1/3-1/2 cup)

small handful of kaffir lime (about two tablespoons)

1 cup raw peanuts

3-4 Tablespoons palm sugar (similar to brown sugar syrup)

2 heaping Tablespoons salt

2 heaping Tablespoons chicken bouillon

2 kilo of pork ribs/chicken/any kind of meat (about 3-4 pounds)

Step 1: soak the chilis for an hour or so, with the seeds removed.

Step 2: Go pick some lemongrass and tumeric from your garden.

(or just buy some from the market, as it's cheap)

Step 4: Chop, chop, chop those chilis into a paste

Step 5: Pulverize lemongrass, tumeric, garlic and kaffir lime in a mortar and pestal (or food processor) into a fine granulated mixture

Step 5a: admire pork ribs and spices

Step 6: chop your pork ribs or meat

Step 7: Make coconut milk the hard way.  Put shavings into a bowl.

Add a small amount of water, and begin making small balls of shavings, squeezing out all the delicious milky coconut milk.  Repeat once for a think, creamy milk, put aside, and repeat once more for a little bit more, more watery milk.  

Discard coconut shavings, or give to your cows.

Step 7a: Admire your chili paste

Step 7b: Bring 1/2 of thick coconut milk (from first squeezing- or, one can) to a low simmer.

Add chili paste

stir until combined, as below.

add spice mixture as well.  allow to rolling simmer.

Step 8: roast raw peanuts until browned.

then de-shell peanuts and crush into a chunky mixture

Your sauce should simmer until it is thick, as above.  

Step 9: add coconut water from second squeezing

Step 10: Add meat and peanuts, cover and cook.

Rolling boils are good to cook meat.

Step 10: Admire the outdoor kitchen you're cooking in.  Or, thank the heavens for your insulated, climate controlled kitchen. Whichever applies.

Step 11: Once meat is cooked, add remaining coconut milk and serve!

Enjoy with friends.

And also, coca cola.

There a million easier ways to make curry (you know, with pre-made curry powder) but I'll let you know how this pans out when I try to cook it all by lonesome in coming weeks.

Happy Friday!