on things i love about mormons

recently, existential type discussions with topher and (sometimes not so nice) articles on the interwebs has me thinking about mormons.

i grew up in southeast idaho, in an incredibly LDS populated area. i grew up in a town that is, according to examiner.com, 75% mormon.  the only place with a higher LDS population is in utah, in provo-orem.

i am not LDS.  growing up, i was baptized catholic, received my first communion in the catholic church, and then attended the episcopal church with my family until i left for college at seventeen. 

at times, it was incredibly difficult growing up non-mormon in a town that felt, for all intents and purposes, ran by the mormon church.  at times, it seemed as though 'not mormon' was stamped on my head during events where everyone seemed to know one everyone else's siblings and parents and cousins.

growing up, i was sad that i didn't get a CTR ring at eight- and maybe more sad because my neighborhood playmates pointed out that i never would because i was 'not mormon.'

i was sad in junior high when a close friend told me that she wasn't sure she could be my friend because she learned at church that i wouldn't be going to same place in heaven as her because i was 'not mormon.'

now, nearly ten years after i moved from idaho to washington dc, i have a deeper understanding and even appreciation for the 'not-ness' i felt as a young girl. what felt like ostracism to me was actually a manifestation of one of the greatest aspects of the LDS religion:

a deep sense of family, community, and conviction in the truth of their beliefs.

it's extremely difficult to understand the nuance of this as an eight year-old (and maybe, for some reading this, even as a thirty eight-year-old), but i truly do not believe that what i took as deliberate exclusions were, in fact, deliberate. they weren't even sad, mean, or intentionally cruel.

no matter what religion surrounds you, if you are one of the few only 'nots' and each weekend, your peers are with each other, learning about the unifying thing that is god and religion, hearing each other's testimonies, learning from one another's parents, and siblings, and reading a common book of hard work and grace, it'd be hard NOT to ostracize- purposely or accidentally- others, those 'nots.'  because you are connected by something greater than the earthly realm, a truth you so deeply believe, you are a community unto yourself.  

what i know about mormons i learned from mormons i actually know.  (well, mostly really know.)

in high school, i was lucky enough to be a part of a group of friends that included one of the most devout mormon women i've ever known. this friend- molly, let's say- was the epitome of everything a good young LDS girl should be.  modest in speech, dress and action.  she has a large family, and her father was the head of the household and the person she had to receive permission from each weekend or evening we friends wanted to do something.  molly was everything that some of those on the internet these days could point to and say "see, look! she's so happy all the time, it just can't be real!  she's designed to go out into the world and spread her happiness so that everyone will think mormons are really cool, and not weird! she's a plant, walking your high school halls, spreading her happiness!"

but you know what? molly really IS the happiest, kindest, most warm hearted and generous people i have ever met in my twenty six years of life.  she was the first of my friends to ask me how i was feeling, or follow up on specific things that had made me anxious, or worried, and or excited.  she was the friend that i could count on to always listen to a terribly long story about this boy that looked at me during sixth period.  she was the friend that i knew would always be thinking about something she could do to help someone else.  i truly cannot think of any other word for this girl other than completely and utterly selfless.

and, you know what again? i think she was like this because, mainly, she embodied everything that the mormon religion teaches young girls.  she was kind, and helpful, and feminine, and genuine.  she had friends in every single circle in the school- from the jocks to the debate team.  she didn't care if you weren't cool in the eyes of high school or if you were the head cheerleader. she knew you, liked you, and dammit, you liked her.  

molly is, to me, the embodiment of all that is mormon.  she is, as the common world defines it, a true christian.

i wish i were more like molly.

in college, i became acquainted with the woman who was head of the head women's organization on campus, an off shoot of our student government.  she led take back the night, funded and planned the vagina monologues, and led the charge for a million feminist things that we feminists are always yelling about. you know.

and then i found out she had, that year, decided to convert to mormonism.  i had to ask her "why?"  growing up, i'd thought that women in the church actually suffered from a deep lack of power and were relegated to a life of housework and child rearing.

and this woman, this twenty one year old feminist mormon said to me, "i am now a mormon because i believe, as does the LDS church, that as a woman, i am divine and i am imbued with those feminine qualities that make me the important other half to men.  as a woman, i have the divinity to birth and raise children.  only women have this power.  i believe so deeply in my own capacity for love and i believe in honoring women for this divinity."

and i of course, was speechless.  and thus began my long, winding path toward a deeper understanding of actual feminism.  one that believes that true feminism is actually all women having the power to choose- their life partners, their roles in the home and out.  

a deeper understanding that actually has me saying to myself "by golly, but there IS something wholly divine in that whole idea of being a woman and holding THE key, THE X chromosome, that actually allows for procreation, and birth, and children, and LIFE.  that is something special, that i have it, just me, because i'm a WOMAN. and perhaps there is something actual real to this whole 'maternal instinct' thing.  maybe this is why i am so achingly excited to someday be a mother, a real, live mother."

and so, because of molly and my feminist mormon, i am heretofore actually a bit enlightened. 

and then there are the interwebs.  there are people out there that will write about the shiny, happy, surreal, nay, "unreal" lives of mormon women content in being mother. women that i personally read every single week, and feel a deep, abiding, interwebs love for.  amazing, strong, smart MORMON women that actually serve to inspire me, and push me to think just a bit harder about this little thing that is mormonism, and motherhood and LIFE.  women like jenna and natalie.

maybe there are things that don't settle with me about the LDS religion.  but this is true for me as in ANY religion.  but being a non-religious person who has very different thoughts on what's coming after our heart stops beating doesn't stop me from believing in two very important things:


one: generally, people are good and two: that which you put out in the universe, you will receive.  how you serve others, help others, support others, love others will color and shape your own life happiness.

i also happen to think that these two things speak to the heart of mormonism.  

thusly, there are things that i love about mormonism, and things that i entirely intend to capture in my family when little ones are finally added to it.

to begin with, let's talk about family home evening.  one night where you just stay in, with your spouse and children and love each other? wherein you maybe play some board games and drink some hot chocolate and generally love each other, despite the insanity of the world around you?

um, yes please.

and then there's that whole having an actual day of rest on sunday.  you mean, a whole day where we try to avoid electronics, and we read and, again, perhaps just generally enjoy each other's company and talk about the thinks in life we're grateful for?

again, yes.

so, families come first for mormons.  this is because they believe that families are sealed forever.  without diving into that topic, let's just stop and ponder what humanity would be like if everyone actually put their family's health, happiness and well being over all else.  

so, again, yes please.

what about mutual, and that whole crazy idea of having young men and women come together each week to just be girls and boys and talk about things that could make them better people and perhaps less frustrated teens in general?

i actually did this, as a teen, when i joined the christian young women's leadership group called job's daughters.  it was amazing.  all young people should have such an opportunity. and why yes, i was an honored queen, thank you very much!

the idea of seeking out, preserving and valuing family history?

umm, yeah!

and finally, even the act of a couple, praying together, every night.  having the chance to maintain an intimate bond wherein you share your greatest happiness, troubling sorrows, plaguing questions and worries is probably the best thing you can, verbally, to maintain a deep connection with your spouse, especially over time, as you build a family, careers, and grow ever farther away from that honeymoon stage.

though topher and i don't pray to a heavenly father, we do take time to stop and talk about these things, and i sincerely expect that if we're able to do this over the many years of marriage, our love and bond might actually cause some out there to say 'why are they so happy?!...'

'...like those damn mormons!'

and so, because i know this is perhaps a very long thing to read, and digest, and a very difficult thing for me to actually dutifully express my nuanced thoughts, please to be sharing:

what things do you love about mormons? 

or maybe,

what things do you love about a group in society, or a person, who is, at surface level, so different from yourself, but deep down, a person or group you should mayhaps be learning a bit from?