Reflections on Our First Year of Marriage

This post was first published under my pseudonym, Mrs. Pencils at Weddingbee. I've posted it here  as well (with a wee bit of edits) for posterity and hopefully, your enjoyment!

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Hello! Happy May!

Today, Topher and I celebrate one year of marriage together.  I can scarcely believe that it's truly been 365 days since we said our vows, became husband and wife, and, of course, took lots and lots of photos.

And I think I know the two most pressing questions on your mind:

How have the Marshes fared in their first year and what, just WHAT, does my post-wedding chop look like NOW?

I can report, on both counts, with one simple picture:

Life is good!

It has slowly begun to dawn on me over the last few weeks how very real our little family is, and how very real it all now feels.  I can report, one year in, that it is no longer strange to introduce myself as Kate Marsh.  In the beginning, my tongue would trip over the "m" sound and my words would come out quite jilted, like I wasn't quite sure who I actually was.  For a short time, I couldn't seem to remember to sign my new name when using my debit card, and would sign either my former name or simply resort to a huge, loopy "K" because my hand and brain couldn't seem to compute.

Then, it clicked.  Just this weekend, I introduced myself and didn't even notice.  It rolled off my lips so easily, and as I drove home, it hit me: I am one third of a happy little Marsh family.  A family that is slowly developing our own traditions, values, and plans for the future.

Take, for example, the holidays this year.  These were our very first holidays where we even tried to tackle the "who do we spend them with" question.  Previously, we'd simply spent Christmas Day with our respective families, and traded who did the traveling for New Year's, opting to spend the latter together.  This time, as husband and wife, we successfully navigated the holiday waters as partners, fulfilling family traditions and obligations on both sides, while also enjoying our very first Christmas together. 

Our pup, Boomer.

New traditions: drinking eggnog while wrapping gifts.

So, with one year under our belt, you're probably wondering how exactly DID our first year go?  The answer is simple.

It's been wonderful. Awesome. Dare I say, easy.

Yep, easy.  We've all heard the reports and first hand accounts (even here on the 'bee!) of how the first year of marriage is actually the hardest and requires survival skills.  I can honestly say this has not been the case for the new Marsh family.

I was discussing this seemingly strange phenomenon of a very fantastic first year of marriage with friend and fellow bee Megan.  How can it be that both of us have had relatively easy years?  It's not that they've been perfect- far from it.  We've had small arguments, frustrating days and moments of "really? did you really just say/do that?"  In the end, though, each of those moments or days was followed up, usually within hours of the original incident or moment, with a large amount of laughter from the hubs or me about the ridiculousness of the situation.  Talking through the way that we fight or even just spend time together, I realized the reason that I think our first year has been "easy":

We don't take ourselves too seriously.

In life- both personally and at work- I am quick to laugh, quick to joke, quick to try to put people at ease.  I don't shy away from difficult conversations or challenges, but I also don't find them inevitable, and I can usually find the humor in nearly any situation (whether it's appropriate or not is a topic for another day.)  This applies to our relationship- hours after a fight (and yes, we do fight), angry phone call, or series of pissed off comments, I can honestly look at my husband and laugh.  Laugh at the insult composed of words that make no sense being involved in the same sentence that I've tried to hurl at my husband straight faced.  Laugh at the fact that we just spent four hours in separate rooms but have no real recollection of why or what we were fighting about in the first place.  Laugh even now, as I write this post and ask Topher "what are some examples of things we fight about?" and his response is "man, I don't know, stupid shit that we forget pretty quickly?!"

And so.  My only advice - to be taken with a HUGE grain of salt from a woman with less years of marriage than is needed to make a good wine- is to try to not take yourself too seriously.  Is it really that big of deal that he didn't load the dishwasher correctly? In my own world, I've had to realize, that no, it really isn't. In fact, I find it strangely satisfying to re-load the dishes, finding the perfect puzzle configuration for each plate, cup and bowl.  

Laugh. Hug. Kiss.  And Let. It. Go.

Which brings me to the end of this increasingly long post.  Hubs and I were discussing our first year over dinner on Saturday night, celebrating our paper anniversary and he said, in many, many more words, that if you're supposed to focus on the good times to get you through the hard, we've just stored up a year's worth of amazing memories for when times get difficult.

And difficult is just what we're anticipating for our second and third year of marriage.  Toe and I are moving to Cambodia in July, as Peace Corps Volunteers.  We began the long application process three months after our May wedding, and were officially invited this past February.  We're incredibly excited, anxious and ready to begin one of the hardest jobs we'll ever love.

If you'd like to get a recap on how we celebrated our first year anniversary, join me at my personal blog- I'll let you in on how that frozen-for-a-year top tier of cake ACTUALLY tasted.

Happy anniversary to my fellow May brides!

What mindsets do you think are most important to take into marriage that will help you through the "most difficult" first few years?