let's {not} get physical, physical

over the course of the last few years, topher and i have been increasingly less and less physically affectionate in public.  when you combine emotional maturity with a home of your own with work schedules that leave you tired with the general realization how disgusting overt displays can be, you come to realize sometimes, mainly in public, less is more.

but we've always been a hand holding couple.  in line at the movies. in the car. as we run on the treadmill.

one of the greatest impacts living in cambodia has had on topher and me, i'd say, is the lack of physical touch that occurs and is condoned between people of the opposite sex.  it is very, very, very rare for a boy and girl- dating, engaged, married- to display their love via any sort of physical contact in public.

i've only seen one khmer couple holding hands, and it was in phnom penh, in the large mall.  i've never seen it in our town, and never between the couples we see often- like our host sister and her husband.  there is no kiss on the cheek, no playful shoulder bump when they're getting fresh.

physical touch between a man and woman just. doesn't. really. happen.

which means, in our attempts to be respectful of our new country's culture, to integrate successfully, to understand so that we might be understood, topher and i have severely limited our physical touch in public.

in many ways, it's spilled over into our private life as well.  not consciously, mind you.  but when you spend your days not holding hands, not hugging, not kissing each other goodbye, it becomes...

habit.

it's one of the hardest parts i've come to find in respecting the culture here.  sometimes, our old selves will pop out and we have to quickly move from what would have been a kiss on the cheek to an awkward high five, or we rely on quick arm touches or hand squeezes to suffice for general public affection.

it's been a struggle reminding ourselves to maintain a close physical distance inside our home as we've become more accustomed to not doing so outside, or using our times in the capital to get in as much hand holding as we can.

this is not to say that outward affection isn't common in cambodia.  it's rampant- amongst people of the same sex.  i can safely say i've had more women touch me in public than topher has done in the last seven months, and i can also safely say most of the women are what we'd call strangers.  women i don't know stroking my arm, or giving me a side hug, or touching my nose, or grabbing my hips.

and now i've begun to do it too. i touch women i don't know on the hand or arm when we talk, where in america i would never have initiated contact.  topher has had to get used to men reaching out to him the same ways, and we've all had to not blink twice when we see two boys or two girls riding down the street on their bikes, hands clasped to each other.

however, khmer people absolutely love it when i call my husband "bong" (older person, sign of respect) in public and he calls me "oun" (younger, same same).  at first i fought referring to my husband as anything that entailed being wiser/smarter/better, but now, its my favorite thing.

mostly because he knows it's completely tongue-in-cheek and it's like our secret display of public affection no one but us understands.

so there's that.