it's not shiny, but...

As I called Topher to let him know I was on my way home, he said to, ever so nonchalantly:

"Do you know what today is?"

I hesitated, then said:

"My mother's birthday?"

He said:
"Well, yes, but also our 90 day anniversary!"

"Well, I guess you better take me out to dinner or something then."

Oh, how little did I know.

I arrived home to a happy puppy and big red gift on the kitchen table.  He had written a very sweet note (on my stationary no less) and had purchased a....drum roll....

Wii!

He said "I know it's not a shiny thing, but..."

This comment reminded me of a conversation I started the other evening. I pointed out that he rarely gifted me jewelry or other shiny items- he had given me a multitude of pearls from China, but because of their low cost, I ruled them out.  I pointed out that other than my engagement ring, he had never spent more than fifty bucks on a shiny item for me.

But I don't care.

We came to the conclusion that night that both of us are practical gift givers- we much prefer a gift that we know the other person will use.  I buy him a beer making kit because he can then make beer. He buys me a cello so I can learn to play.  He's received many watches, books, cologne, random socks and ties, dvds, etc.  I've gotten computer software, books, perfume, markers. All things that get used up or read.

We're not shiny gift givers.   This is not a qualitative or evaluative statement- just a statement of mere fact.  My brother has given his fiance many "shiny" things- jewelry, designer handbags and the like. Topher has never even considered shopping for a Coach bag or emerald ring- not because he doesn't see the value in them, he just likes things that I can use.  Both my brother and my husband are loving, generous men. Both, however, are different types gift givers.

Are you a "shiny" or "use" gift giver, or some other type?

Shut the Front Door!

Things that make me happy:

1. Delicious veggie and ricotta cheese pizza that I never would have tried as a meatatarian that IS AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS.
2. Tuesday night Office marathons on TBS.
3. An amazing hubby that has purposely not bought meat for two weeks.
4. An amazing hubby (same one) that made a great salad and grilled onions and green peppers on the grill.
5. Said husband letting me eat the majority of the grilled veggies, while avoiding the salad.
6. Amazing co-workers that let you complain about annoying co-workers and go on a pizza outing with you.
7. Ellipticalling for 45 minutes, which equates to 3.2 miles and approx. 400 calories.
8. Red Velvet mini bars from Weight Watchers
9. Unexpected visitors when power goes out and their cute dog.
10. Said visitors and the Bachelorette watching fun with ice cream!

What things make you happy?

Goal Setting is Key

In my company I work for, we love setting goals.  I mean, LOVE it.  It gives us focus, a destination, and a way to measure progress, both qualitative and quantitative.

I've always been a goal setting person. I remember when I was seven, in second grade, and one Sunday I sat at my desk and set some summer and life goals for myself.  My summer goals included reading as many Baby-Sitters Club and Sweet Valley Twins as possible (I think I set a number of 7 a week) and my life goals included going to Harvard or Stanford.

I didn't end up going to Harvard or Stanford, but I did leave Idaho for the east, and attended college in Washington, DC. I also remember distinctly that I ended up reading something like 100 books that summer.  What can I say, I love to read?

In that similar vein, an amazing woman I work with shared the way she turned a work excel goal setting template into a workable document that set goals for the next year of her life.  I definitely view this woman as a mentor and I was SO EXCITED because it seemed right up my alley and personality!

It's still a work in progress, but I wanted to share my current goals for the next year.  Like my work compadre, I've centered them around growing in mind, body and spirit.  To clarify, I've classified spiritual as something that makes me a happier, more complete person.  Here are the goals I've come up with so far:

So, you can see that some of them are "easy" to track weekly and others are less quantitative and more qualitative in nature.  You also might be saying "why the hell is she going to say one thing that makes her happy to be married to Chris? What does that have to do with her spirit?"

Well, I am often stressed, from work, life, etc.  I often (read: almost always) take it out on Topher. I hate this about myself.  I am so happy, so lucky to be married to this amazing man, and I want to remind him, and in turn, myself, WHY, every single day.  I want a more complete spirit and for me, that comes from knowing and reminding myself of the joy that comes from everyday life, and marriage.

Have you ever set personal, life goals and tracked them in excel? Anyone? Anyone?  Anybody inspired?

Veggie Updates and In Lieu of My Total Opinion...

I have now had two official full days of vegetarianism (I'm not talking about my failures yet, but they may have involved Wendy's and an hour of getting lost on the way back from jury duty) and my self-importance and pride is kicking in- I feel like a better version of myself and had to stop myself tonight from maligning Topher for his meat-eating choices.  I was happy at myself and pissed that he wasn't commending me on my awesome life choices, so I began debating him on how he could know so much about the chemicals humans ingest from corn-fed cows and still eat meat.

As if we didn't watch Food Inc. together two months ago, and I didn't continue to go about my normal life, eating a crap ton of meat and sugar.  As if choosing to eat meat is worse than choosing to not go the gym, which I chose on a regular basis for the last two months?  I don't want to go veggie if I'm going to turn into this warped person who feels superior for what I eat, or don't eat.

I wish I was totally kidding, but I'm only half joking- there's something about "giving up" a part of your lifestyle than can easily turn you into a self righteous biotch.  I'd rather not admit that I became a self-righteous biotch for about an hour tonight, but, well, if I'm bluntly honest with others, I guess I ought to be with myself too. So, I became a self-righteous biotch for an hour tonight.

Proof:

Tonight after going to the gym with Topher, we stopped at an Afghan restaurant we frequent where I used to get some delicious lamb. This meal, I rocked the "Vegetarian Plate" and tried to force myself to eat something I truly detest- cooked, slimy spinach.  I enjoyed the chickpeas and eggplant but was trying so hard to be good to my body and eat this overcooked mush of spinach.  I thought to myself "so what if all the nutrients have been boiled out of these? It's better for me than that lamb Topher's downing!" I'M SUCH A VEGETARIAN JERK.

So, I'm done being a vegetarian jerk.  Feel free to check me if and/or when I get to preachy or self-important on here.

While I complete my thoughts on why I am officially going vegetarian (there are a myriad of why's and thoughts in my head, and I'm doing my best to lay them out, all straight like for ya) here are some reasons for going veggie. I've bolded the ones that resonate most with me.

• If we continue to clear forests in the U.S. to raise cattle at the present rate, there will be no forests left in 50 years.
• The water used to produce 10 lbs of steak is equivalent to the average consumption of water for an entire household for an entire year.
• Fishing with drift (and other modern) nets weakens and destroys ecosystems by indiscriminately killing billions of sea creatures and disrupting the sea bed.
• Mass farmed chickens are crammed into battery cages with up to 3 other birds; they are unable to even spread their wings and many cannot stand up.
• Veal calves are confined in stalls in the dark, unable to move.
• Meat is full of traces of antibiotics, hormones, toxins produced by stress and pesticide residues that become concentrated from all the crops they have eaten.
• Farmed animals contain up to 50% saturated fat in their bodies.
• Vegetarians have 24% reduced risk of getting heart disease.
• 80% of food poisoning is due to infected meat.

Why I Love Blogging...and Weddings...and Women...

I am coming off a high of a wonderful Weddingbee meetup, where I met some AMAZING women who are planning their weddings or are recently married, and I am re-inspired by their awesomeness.

There is nothing better than meeting people that know and seem to genuinely care about you because of your dorky self.  There's no hiding here on the 'net and they seem to sort of like me anyway! AND two of them are friends via others and it was SO FRIGGIN' PHENOMENAL to see them (Danielle and Kelly you know I'm talking 'bout you!)!

More than that, they kept me honest with my vegetarian ways and passed me many veggie options of dim sum at the great hotspot we were at for the meet up.  I was so inspired by how much many of them knew about my attempt at this new lifestyle, and so honored that they cared enough to read my silly words and seemingly enjoy my insane, nerdy self.

Thank you ladies so much (if you're reading here!)! It was beyond fantastic to meet with you and we must do it again SOON!

Childhood obsessions...that linger.

When I was in high school, I was really cool. I mean, REALLY cool. I drove a stick shift Hyundai Elantra (may she rest in peace), teal blue.  Inside my Elantra, I rocked a Hula Man (until my mother "accidentally" pulled him off while I was at a soccer tourney one weekend) and the seat covers to end all seat covers:

Scooby Doo seat covers

For some reason, I considered him a bit "retro" and therefore a bit "quirky" that I him.  I was very...original.

Yes, I shamefully kept these covers on until I graduated.  By that time, I was pretty sick of my Scooby Doo sleepwear, toothbrush, slippers, pillowcase, and yes, even seat covers.  I must have finally outgrown the most annoying dog ever.

I was thinking about Scooby today and how my obsessions with childhood items still remains.  I cannot  get enough of Harry Potter.

Topher is still obsessed with Batman, and I have a feeling there are others out there who can admit to embarrassing childhood obsessions or current obsessions of meant-for-children things or people.

Do share below!

"Well one of us had to."

This was Topher's response to me telling him I've gained twelve pounds since our wedding.  If I hadn't laughed, he'd be in trouble.  But it was funny. And true.

It's true because we have heard so many tales of gaining weight after marriage that it seemed inevitable that it would happen to one or both of us.  Unfortunately, this getting fat when you're happy reality has been true for Toph and I for a good part of our relationship.  We met in January of our freshman year of college and up until that point, I hadn't gained any of those "freshman fifteen." Of course, when we met, there was quite a few late nights, with the subsequent large cheese pizzas, soda and/or beer. He would surprise me with some of my favorite sweets- cookies, Krispy Kreme donuts and Zingers- on a regular basis and my trips to they fitness center on campus were quickly taken up by walks around campus, or movie watching, or general time together. So of course, we gained those happy pounds together over our college career.

Can I just blame my weight gaining on my husband? Please?

I have learned, in the past year or so, that the key to me personally losing any weight at all is exercise- movement of my body.  I also learned that Topher and I enjoyed going to the gym together nearly as much as devouring a bunch of wings and bottle of wine together.  (Well, nearly as much.) We felt a camaraderie getting our workout gear on together, trucking over in the car, and sweating together on the treadmills, ellipticals,  rowing machines and weight machines.  We discovered that it felt much more gratifying to lose together extra pounds we'd packed on together.  If you will, atoning for our food sins together felt good and brought us a different sort of closeness.

It wasn't always this way.  I used to be able to cut out cookies and Coca Cola and lose three pounds.

I learned this reality the hard way.  A year ago it hit me that the bit of weight I had gained between when I bought my wedding dress (in January 2009) would need to be lost for said dress to fit again for wedding (in May 2010.)  Of course, I had now reached my highest weight ever, thirty five pounds more than I weighed when I graduated high school. Sad face.  I not only had to lose weight, I had to lose more weight than I ever thought I would and I had to realize that I would not be in the "best shape of my life", as I'd hoped for my wedding.

So I went back on Weight Watchers. I stopped eating crap.  And I lost one pound. One.  Something else had to change, because just changing my eating habits wasn't working. So I realized that, just like experts say, my metabolism had slowed down, recognized my dieting and refused to shed the lbs.

"While most diets produce quick weight loss at the outset, they often cause your metabolism to slow. The result is that you have to eat less and less to keep losing weight. You quickly become discouraged, give up, and start eating like you used to. But now, with a slower metabolism, you regain all the weight you lost, and more." source

Now at this point, you might be saying "Kate, it shouldn't matter what you weigh." However, I really had to lose the extra pounds for my wedding dress to fit- not because I wanted to have the "perfect" body but because truly, my parents had bought an expensive wedding gown and I couldn't lace it close enough together for the insert that hides the skin behind the corset back and it was TIGHT across my hips.  This was not pure vanity- this was about good money my family had already spent on a dress.  There was no budget for another one, and I didn't have excess fabric to let it out, as it had never been altered in the first place.

So, how did this happen slow metabolism occur over time with too much dieting? Let me explain.

I am five foot eight inches.  When I graduated HS in 2003, my weight was 137.  This was a healthy BMI of 21 (A healthy BMI is between 19-25. You can find your BMI here!) I know BMI isn't always the best indicator of health, as it doesn't take into account muscle, but let me say this: at 137, I had the most muscle mass I've ever had.  I had strong leg muscles from running and wore a size 5/6.  It looked like this:

My first experience with weight gain was during the summer of 2007 between my junior and senior years of HS- I gained three pounds one summer, started running cross country and promptly lost it. My BMI was 21.3 and I still fit into all of my jeans and skirts.

During my freshman year of college, I gained seven pounds, coming to 143. I still had a healthy range BMI at 21.7, but my jeans were getting a bit tight.  I lost those 7 pounds in the summer by eating salads, Lean Cuisines, and running each night with my lifeguarding buddies Maggie and Jenny. I came back to college in 2004 looking like this:

Unfortunately, sophomore year wasn't kind either and I repeated the process, until I was 143 again and wearing lots of cardigans and cover ups, much like this:

That summer, I lost the weight doing the exact same thing as I did the summer before, relying heavily on Quizno's salads and running. 

Then, junior year hit and that fall I crawled up to 145, with a BMI of 22.  I was still wearing 6- a very healthy jean size for my personal body height and type.  I studied abroad in Rome in the fall of 2005 and was a comfortable 145, eating pasta everyday but walking EVERYWHERE. Here in Rome:

When I returned home, I gained two pounds, coming to 147.  That summer, instead of being able to return to the 130's, I stayed in DC to intern, lost my workout buddies and desire to run and willpower to say no to pizza. I didn't lose the ten and gained an additional 2 pounds, coming to 149.  My BMI was now 22.7 but my 6s were VERY tight. It was NOT pretty:

Senior year in 2006-2007, as an RA, I spent too much time eating pasta bowls from the convenience store on campus and gained another six pounds, coming to 155, with a BMI of 23.6.  I bought a few pairs of size 8 jeans and felt that my body was maturing and I'd never be 137 again. I was ok with that and decided, to avoid buying a whole new wardrobe, I'd try to exercise again and lose 5 pounds.  I took a yoga class in the spring but still ate anything and everything I want.  Oops.

That summer or 2007, after graduation, Topher and I took a trip from Beijing to Paris and he snapped this lovely photo of my ever-expanding ass:

I started teaching that fall of 2007 and of course, continued to spiral downward. Soon, I was a size 10 and weighed around 163. I felt awful and it was obvious in how I dressed. Can you say black sweaters?

It wasn't until I took a cruise with friends in Spring 2008 that I hit my lowest point at 165 (up until then) and decided I had to do something. I joined Weight Watchers and lost 15 pounds in two months. It was great. That summer, I drove across the country with Topher, at 150, with a BMI of 22.8 and size 7/8.

Of course, that road trip packed on seven pounds (do we notice a TREND?!?)

I returned home and STOPPED the gain and put in dieting and exercise time to get down to 149 at Christmas 2008.  This was when I bought my wedding gown, and I thought I was done with yo-yo-ing.

Yep, yeah right.  I was so confident that I lost all sense, and that spring and summer of 2009 let loose. At my bestie Paige's wedding in July, I weighted more than ever before at 167 and I had surpassed a healthy BMI, reaching 25.2. I felt so blah:

You'd think I'd have stopped here, right? But I kept eating and NOT working out and hit 170 in October. I now had an unhealthy BMI of 25.8 and was buying 10s and 12s. I felt so stupid that I had a closet full of size 6 and 8 jeans and so mad at myself for gaining 35 pounds in six years. 

It wasn't healthy, this up and down, and it wasn't healthy to gain that much weight.I averaged 6.5 pounds a year, but it would really amount to seven or so pounds in nine months, losing those in three, and repeating the process again.

To lose the poundage I'd gained eating cookies, ice cream, vats of pasta and Cheetos, my former cross country and soccer self reverted to pure sweating.  I began to run with Topher, went to spinning twice a week and was lifting weights.  When I hit 148 for my wedding, I vowed I was done. I felt good at a 7/8 with a BMI of 22.5 and I was finally beginning to feel attractive again.  

You can probably guess how the story goes. I am back at 160 and wondering how the f this happened.  It's go time again and this time I mean it- I refuse to do this my whole life and I want to be a healthy wife and person.

I am committed to finding time to exercise, despite my hour-each-way commute, my longer-than-typical work week, and my love of blogging (which is great, but does take time each day.)  Every time Topher goes for a run or goes to the gym twenty minutes before I get home, I need to remind myself of these images and tell him to wait for me so we can go together.  When I'm tired from a long work week, I need to remind myself the energy I get from a good thirty minutes of sweating.

Even more than that, in my high stress job, I need that release, that thirty minutes of pure focus where I do my best thinking (sidebar: I also do amazing thinking in the shower. Anyone with me on this?) so that I can refocus on the things I enjoy.  Exercise, especially running (once you get past that really shitty first month, where it just hurts.the.whole.time) is the best stress relief I've found- better than a glass of wine, better than a long phone call complaining to my husband/mom/friends, and maybe even better than a roll in the hay (though this has other added benefits, heehee.)

At this point, this post and this desire to get back to a healthy weight is LESS about the weight and more about the FEELING that I get from a good run, a pair of jeans fitting that haven't in a while, and my husband looking at me, proud of what I've accomplished.

So, interweb friends, I have to set goals. I'm goal oriented and Topher thinks setting goals has always worked for me before.

By October 30, my quarter century birthday, I will be back to a BMI of 22.5 (right in the middle of the healthy range), which would put my weight in that healthy (for me) range of 145 or so.  I will stop buying new clothes until I am at this range (mainly because the majority of my clothes were purchased at this weight and should fit again- like a whole new wardrobe!) but I will give myself something at small milestones (five pounds lost) like a new book, new pair of underwear or a special pedicure.  I will adjust my eating habits to align with a healthy lifestyle, and make time for movement/exercise at least four times a week.

Beyond all of this, the next time I see the 160's, I'll be rocking another human inside my body.

Have you dealt with weight issues- underweight, overweight, back and forth? Do you want to set goals with me?

Going Veggie: Day 1 Officially

For the past three weeks, I have been vowing to go vegetarian.  A number of factors have played into this desire, which, when I have more time and energy, I'll go very deeply into.

I've been sick for the last week and today was the first day that I felt less achy and more hungry.  So of course I wanted to try out going vegetarian. Topher was on board (though he, and every friend I have, maintains I won't do it. Which, of course, given my ridic stubbornness, makes me even more resolute to go veggie) and we began the day with some delicious, meat free smoothies. Side note, I'd be pretty disgusted to find a meat-filled smoothie. Blech.

We combined frozen strawberries, frozen blueberries...

Yes, that is a package of Ballpark hot dogs beneath our frozen fruit. I'll miss hot dogs.

...a banana...

...some skim milk, ice, nonfat vanilla yogurt and vanilla protein powder...

...and created deliciousness!

Yum!

With some cheese and crackers for lunch, noodles and tofu for dinner and cheese popcorn for snack, I was doing well.

Until I took a bite of Topher's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger. Damn.

Trying again tomorrow! Tips?! It's ok if you say "suck it and eat meat." Topher does every day :)

Lost the hotness

Yes, I've lost my hotness. I have three months to get back in fighting shape for my trash the dress sesh in October.

I have gained 10 pounds since our May 1st wedding.

How? How did this happen?

I'm sure this didn't help...

Pounds of left over wedding cake...

Or this...

19 or 20 frozen drinks over the course of ten days IMMEDIATELY after the wedding...

And as if this was good!

3 large, square meals with dessert every.damn.day for the last two months.

Oh, and of course...

Vats of wine and champagne and beer.  For real, like 10 beers myself on the 4th of July.

Let's just say there hasn't been a lot of this...

This is supposed to symbolize exercise.  Walking in rapids is exercise! I'm still sore and it was three days ago.

So I guess the above is how it happened.

Last summer, Topher and I dallied with the idea of running a mini-triathalon.  After a year, he can now run a consecutive three miles, and I...well, my former-cross-country-ass hasn't had time to run or work out in a good three months. Now, Topher wants to run a 5k together in August.

Well, shite.  Guess  I need to get my lard ass of the couch, stop eating dessert and re-join Weight Watchers.

Here we go.

Anyone have any tips for losing the marriage ten?

I'm a sucky wife.

This past weekend, as Topher and I visited my hometown Pocatello, I realized just what a sucky wife I am.  You see, I was a sucky fiance before I was a sucky wife- it's just that now I'm beginning to realize how crappy I really am.

On our trip, Topher was constantly joking around about he's the domestic one- he cooks, he cleans, he walks the dog.  I work.  It was funny, but only because it's true.  Then, it wasn't so funny- again, because it's true.

Topher and I have lived together for 13 months now.  We got a puppy together about 16 months ago.  In those months, I have made dinner for my man approximately five times.  If that.  Every night, I get home around 7 (or 8...or 9...) and he has dinner either waiting on the table or in the oven.

He walks the dog at night, mainly because it's dark and I'm afraid of the dark.  It's supposed to be my job to do it in the morning.  Often, though I'm running late and I tell him "I'll pay him a million bucks" or "a million kisses" or a million other things that are slightly more risque if he'll walk Boomer for me.  So he does.

When we go to bed at night, often I'll leave my water glass or my ice cream bowl by the TV downstairs.  It's not that I want to leave it there- I honestly just don't see it.  It's like I look past it. Or, I tell myself I'll get it in the morning.  Problem is, by the time I get home at 7...or 8...or 9, he's already picked it up and loaded the dishwasher.

Now, the feminist side of me says ROCK ON! He and I both joke that he's simply making up for hundreds of years of inequity.

Then there's the other side me that screams "YOU'RE A SUCKY WIFE!" Usually I tell it to shut up, I'm tired, I just worked 80 hours.

Other times, I tell myself to get home earlier to make dinner.  Then I usually get up a bake a batch of cookies.  Because what I do have time for is baking.  Of course.

Anyone else feel like a sucky partner in some way?

In Hopes of Being a Mellow Wife

It's the start of something new! Welcome to my new personal/life as a wife/whatever I want blog- I can't promise it will always be in exciting, but I can promise it will always be me.

The past two months of marriage have already shown me that a successful and fulfilling marriage requires attention and hard work.  Since tying the knot on May 1, I have not had one minute to breathe and just be with my husband since our honeymoon in Costa Rica.

I chalk this up to my 70 and 80 hour work weeks for the past few weeks, but it doesn't change the fact that I know Topher has been feeling a bit neglected and missing me.  I am so excited to have a few days and weeks to rejuvenate with my new hubby and celebrate our first two months of wedded bliss.

My goal is to strive toward being mellow...and since my new last name is Marsh, it seemed too apropos to ignore the title of this new blog. And, well, somehow goodness seemed to go with that.  Goodness can mean so many things- good tasting, good life, good people. 

So, Marsh Mellow Goodness it is.  Again, welcome, welcome!

Well, shit, that just makes me want a marshmallow. Preferably with some chocolate and a graham cracker.

Be right back...