"Well one of us had to."

This was Topher's response to me telling him I've gained twelve pounds since our wedding.  If I hadn't laughed, he'd be in trouble.  But it was funny. And true.

It's true because we have heard so many tales of gaining weight after marriage that it seemed inevitable that it would happen to one or both of us.  Unfortunately, this getting fat when you're happy reality has been true for Toph and I for a good part of our relationship.  We met in January of our freshman year of college and up until that point, I hadn't gained any of those "freshman fifteen." Of course, when we met, there was quite a few late nights, with the subsequent large cheese pizzas, soda and/or beer. He would surprise me with some of my favorite sweets- cookies, Krispy Kreme donuts and Zingers- on a regular basis and my trips to they fitness center on campus were quickly taken up by walks around campus, or movie watching, or general time together. So of course, we gained those happy pounds together over our college career.

Can I just blame my weight gaining on my husband? Please?

I have learned, in the past year or so, that the key to me personally losing any weight at all is exercise- movement of my body.  I also learned that Topher and I enjoyed going to the gym together nearly as much as devouring a bunch of wings and bottle of wine together.  (Well, nearly as much.) We felt a camaraderie getting our workout gear on together, trucking over in the car, and sweating together on the treadmills, ellipticals,  rowing machines and weight machines.  We discovered that it felt much more gratifying to lose together extra pounds we'd packed on together.  If you will, atoning for our food sins together felt good and brought us a different sort of closeness.

It wasn't always this way.  I used to be able to cut out cookies and Coca Cola and lose three pounds.

I learned this reality the hard way.  A year ago it hit me that the bit of weight I had gained between when I bought my wedding dress (in January 2009) would need to be lost for said dress to fit again for wedding (in May 2010.)  Of course, I had now reached my highest weight ever, thirty five pounds more than I weighed when I graduated high school. Sad face.  I not only had to lose weight, I had to lose more weight than I ever thought I would and I had to realize that I would not be in the "best shape of my life", as I'd hoped for my wedding.

So I went back on Weight Watchers. I stopped eating crap.  And I lost one pound. One.  Something else had to change, because just changing my eating habits wasn't working. So I realized that, just like experts say, my metabolism had slowed down, recognized my dieting and refused to shed the lbs.

"While most diets produce quick weight loss at the outset, they often cause your metabolism to slow. The result is that you have to eat less and less to keep losing weight. You quickly become discouraged, give up, and start eating like you used to. But now, with a slower metabolism, you regain all the weight you lost, and more." source

Now at this point, you might be saying "Kate, it shouldn't matter what you weigh." However, I really had to lose the extra pounds for my wedding dress to fit- not because I wanted to have the "perfect" body but because truly, my parents had bought an expensive wedding gown and I couldn't lace it close enough together for the insert that hides the skin behind the corset back and it was TIGHT across my hips.  This was not pure vanity- this was about good money my family had already spent on a dress.  There was no budget for another one, and I didn't have excess fabric to let it out, as it had never been altered in the first place.

So, how did this happen slow metabolism occur over time with too much dieting? Let me explain.

I am five foot eight inches.  When I graduated HS in 2003, my weight was 137.  This was a healthy BMI of 21 (A healthy BMI is between 19-25. You can find your BMI here!) I know BMI isn't always the best indicator of health, as it doesn't take into account muscle, but let me say this: at 137, I had the most muscle mass I've ever had.  I had strong leg muscles from running and wore a size 5/6.  It looked like this:

My first experience with weight gain was during the summer of 2007 between my junior and senior years of HS- I gained three pounds one summer, started running cross country and promptly lost it. My BMI was 21.3 and I still fit into all of my jeans and skirts.

During my freshman year of college, I gained seven pounds, coming to 143. I still had a healthy range BMI at 21.7, but my jeans were getting a bit tight.  I lost those 7 pounds in the summer by eating salads, Lean Cuisines, and running each night with my lifeguarding buddies Maggie and Jenny. I came back to college in 2004 looking like this:

Unfortunately, sophomore year wasn't kind either and I repeated the process, until I was 143 again and wearing lots of cardigans and cover ups, much like this:

That summer, I lost the weight doing the exact same thing as I did the summer before, relying heavily on Quizno's salads and running. 

Then, junior year hit and that fall I crawled up to 145, with a BMI of 22.  I was still wearing 6- a very healthy jean size for my personal body height and type.  I studied abroad in Rome in the fall of 2005 and was a comfortable 145, eating pasta everyday but walking EVERYWHERE. Here in Rome:

When I returned home, I gained two pounds, coming to 147.  That summer, instead of being able to return to the 130's, I stayed in DC to intern, lost my workout buddies and desire to run and willpower to say no to pizza. I didn't lose the ten and gained an additional 2 pounds, coming to 149.  My BMI was now 22.7 but my 6s were VERY tight. It was NOT pretty:

Senior year in 2006-2007, as an RA, I spent too much time eating pasta bowls from the convenience store on campus and gained another six pounds, coming to 155, with a BMI of 23.6.  I bought a few pairs of size 8 jeans and felt that my body was maturing and I'd never be 137 again. I was ok with that and decided, to avoid buying a whole new wardrobe, I'd try to exercise again and lose 5 pounds.  I took a yoga class in the spring but still ate anything and everything I want.  Oops.

That summer or 2007, after graduation, Topher and I took a trip from Beijing to Paris and he snapped this lovely photo of my ever-expanding ass:

I started teaching that fall of 2007 and of course, continued to spiral downward. Soon, I was a size 10 and weighed around 163. I felt awful and it was obvious in how I dressed. Can you say black sweaters?

It wasn't until I took a cruise with friends in Spring 2008 that I hit my lowest point at 165 (up until then) and decided I had to do something. I joined Weight Watchers and lost 15 pounds in two months. It was great. That summer, I drove across the country with Topher, at 150, with a BMI of 22.8 and size 7/8.

Of course, that road trip packed on seven pounds (do we notice a TREND?!?)

I returned home and STOPPED the gain and put in dieting and exercise time to get down to 149 at Christmas 2008.  This was when I bought my wedding gown, and I thought I was done with yo-yo-ing.

Yep, yeah right.  I was so confident that I lost all sense, and that spring and summer of 2009 let loose. At my bestie Paige's wedding in July, I weighted more than ever before at 167 and I had surpassed a healthy BMI, reaching 25.2. I felt so blah:

You'd think I'd have stopped here, right? But I kept eating and NOT working out and hit 170 in October. I now had an unhealthy BMI of 25.8 and was buying 10s and 12s. I felt so stupid that I had a closet full of size 6 and 8 jeans and so mad at myself for gaining 35 pounds in six years. 

It wasn't healthy, this up and down, and it wasn't healthy to gain that much weight.I averaged 6.5 pounds a year, but it would really amount to seven or so pounds in nine months, losing those in three, and repeating the process again.

To lose the poundage I'd gained eating cookies, ice cream, vats of pasta and Cheetos, my former cross country and soccer self reverted to pure sweating.  I began to run with Topher, went to spinning twice a week and was lifting weights.  When I hit 148 for my wedding, I vowed I was done. I felt good at a 7/8 with a BMI of 22.5 and I was finally beginning to feel attractive again.  

You can probably guess how the story goes. I am back at 160 and wondering how the f this happened.  It's go time again and this time I mean it- I refuse to do this my whole life and I want to be a healthy wife and person.

I am committed to finding time to exercise, despite my hour-each-way commute, my longer-than-typical work week, and my love of blogging (which is great, but does take time each day.)  Every time Topher goes for a run or goes to the gym twenty minutes before I get home, I need to remind myself of these images and tell him to wait for me so we can go together.  When I'm tired from a long work week, I need to remind myself the energy I get from a good thirty minutes of sweating.

Even more than that, in my high stress job, I need that release, that thirty minutes of pure focus where I do my best thinking (sidebar: I also do amazing thinking in the shower. Anyone with me on this?) so that I can refocus on the things I enjoy.  Exercise, especially running (once you get past that really shitty first month, where it just hurts.the.whole.time) is the best stress relief I've found- better than a glass of wine, better than a long phone call complaining to my husband/mom/friends, and maybe even better than a roll in the hay (though this has other added benefits, heehee.)

At this point, this post and this desire to get back to a healthy weight is LESS about the weight and more about the FEELING that I get from a good run, a pair of jeans fitting that haven't in a while, and my husband looking at me, proud of what I've accomplished.

So, interweb friends, I have to set goals. I'm goal oriented and Topher thinks setting goals has always worked for me before.

By October 30, my quarter century birthday, I will be back to a BMI of 22.5 (right in the middle of the healthy range), which would put my weight in that healthy (for me) range of 145 or so.  I will stop buying new clothes until I am at this range (mainly because the majority of my clothes were purchased at this weight and should fit again- like a whole new wardrobe!) but I will give myself something at small milestones (five pounds lost) like a new book, new pair of underwear or a special pedicure.  I will adjust my eating habits to align with a healthy lifestyle, and make time for movement/exercise at least four times a week.

Beyond all of this, the next time I see the 160's, I'll be rocking another human inside my body.

Have you dealt with weight issues- underweight, overweight, back and forth? Do you want to set goals with me?