this here little post has been sitting in my drafts for a few weeks now. it's quite the doozy. perfect for hump day (just humpity hip hip hop over that middle of the week!) tres excited?!
there's this thing about being me, or being my husband. we often go out on these adventures, usually called weekends, and horrible, no good, very bad, but HILARIOUS things happen to us. like this one time when i pistol-laser-tag-gun-whipped a kid on his birthday and made him cry. and bleed. (what, i haven't told you this story? you don't really want to hear it, right?)
it is upon these adventures wherein we stumble across roadblocks. usually figuratively, but this time, (this time!), road blocks were real!
a few weeks ago, chris and i were in frederick, the loverly town in whence we were married. we were meeting some pretty happy, fantastic
people there to give them some frederick lovin. or, as in, give frederick some lovin by showing them around said lovely town.
oh, but first! first, we hit up our love nest, aka our hot spot, aka our wedding venue for some FREE FOOD! we'd been invited for a "married couples" lunch. really, they should have called it a LUNCHEON because it was a sit down affair, complete with NEWLYWED GAMES and PRIZES. PRIZES like a happy, happy BELL. yes, a bell.
(yes, when i heard prizes, i got really excited too. but really, they were bells. or valentine's themed socks. i tell you, what married couple wants socks?)
oh, but the bell!
we even got to practice USING the bell- when it rings, we're supposed to KISS.
in front of strangers.
well, really, ten other same-same awkward feeling newlyweds (including one couple married after us, five years younger, and pregnant. not judging. just...stating.)
can you believe i am JUST getting started?!
this little luncheon affair would have been quite acceptable and a cause for giggles and inside jokes galore. if. IF!
if we hadn't had to leave early. see, we thought it was a "swing by, grab some food, peace out" type thingy. no cigar. it was a, "come early, find your name card/assigned table, chat about inane things with couples you'll never see again, enjoy a cracker course, a soup course, a main course, and oh, play games in between every course" lunch.
so, we had to leave early.
BEFORE THE ICE CREAM SUNDAE BUFFET.
need i say more? chris and kate rules: if it's going get really awesomer soon, something comes up so you have to leave.
so we left. and we were already late. and then, there was traffic.
on a saturday afternoon on the only highway for miles. guess what the traffic was?
SOMEBODY LEFT THE ROAD WORK SIGNS UP BUT NO ONE WAS ACTUALLY WORKING THE ROADS ON THE FINE SATURDAY AFTERNOON IN WHICH WE WERE GRIDLOCKED.
and by working the roads, i mean neither was anyone fixing potholes, NOR was a lady of the night seeking the company of my lovely sweet skin while standing on said roads (leg hitched high, peachy skins flashing.)
eventually, we arrived. (i know, you're glad. we may be nearing the end.)
oh and what a lovely afternoon it was! barbecue, and chit chatting, and beer. and yum.
and then, ha ha, we got locked in the parking garage.
ha ha ha ha.
we got so locked, even after paying our one dollar exit fee, that topher had to turn my baby car (MY BABY CAR!) around and he even tried getting ME to act like a CAR to try to make the entrance blocker thingy swing up.
sadly (happily?) i am not the same width as a car, so it didn't work.
oh, but yes, we did eventually get out. after we called the emergency box and watched another person get locked in but NOT back out of the line and cause a hold up in the line such that i stood, lonesome, in a car garage's entrance waiting for my baby car (and topher) to arrive.
guess what? our day's not over.
then we went the wrong way on the highway. as in, the opposite direction of our house. on a highway i drive down. every. single. day.
OH!
then, at cold stone, we got the janky ice cream scooper (JANKY, I TELL YOU!) who didn't even use the REAL scoopers that blend and combine and mix and thusly our mix-ins were NOT mixed in. it went lick-lick-lick-CRUNCH-CHEW-CHEW-CHEW-lick-lick-lick. because, the licks had no crunch and the crunch had no licks. ya know?
want to come
on one of our adventures spend a saturday with us next time?
