Topher and I have started this tradition wherein we email each other short incomplete sentences back and forth to our work emails. It's very exciting (almost boob firework worthy, dare I say) and my "personal" folder in outlook is quickly filling up with random notes that are of no consequence to my work outlook at all in fact. Hubs is smart (or weird?) enough to remove his work related signature. Except every time he erases it the last line of his email gets all big like this. So his email says
"i thought you hated that movie...
by the way my mom offered us caps tickets for tonight."
I have oft mentioned my desire for him to let the dang signature alone and stop erasing it and stop yelling his last sentences at me all in large bold letters.
He has yet to listen (do you hear me out there Topher? Cease and desist!)
Speaking of Caps tickets, his mom really did offer them to us. I wanted to snatch them up but I also didn't want to wear my knit purple short sleeve sweater shirt thing to the game and Boomer would have pooped all over herself in her crate and I wouldn't have gotten home in time to write this lovely blog for you all, which surely is saving your lives and providing endless entertainment (no? oh, well don't tell hubs.)
So, we turned said tickets down (hence, what you're reading) and I said to Topher "it's ok, let's buy some fun snazzy food and put on our jersey's and cheer like we're really there!" and I told myself he was super excited about this idea, when really I think he mostly said "mmkay."
Yet, here I sit curled up in a blanket, with out a jersey, and we got soup and sandwiches at Panera. We can't even do pretend watching a game live-in-person right.
Also, I have to wear this blanket because someone (TOPHER) thought it would be a good idea (WORST IDEA EVER) to put the heater on 68 instead of 72 (WHAT THE WHAT?). And how!
Which gets me to thinking. Jollying around with co-workers the other day (what, don't you jolly?), we got to discussing fake adultry. No, not adultery. Adult-ry. As in, I'm a fake adult because instead of ever actually purchasing pillow throws for our sectional, we took the ones from my parent's couch that are fraying and dying a slow death on our sofa. (Don't you just like sofa so much more than couch? Couch makes me think of of slouch, which makes me feel chubby.)
As in, when an electric company rep stopped by our house as we were cleaning our kitchen on Saturday and offered to save us hundreds of dollars by sucking away all of our air conditioning June through October, the first we said was "MONEY?!" and only later did I think to myself how mother crapping hot it will be in August, in DC, in our house with the AC being sent to another home where our electric company deems it belongs. As in, I know that was a run-on really long sentence and I DON'T CARE ANYWAY I KNOW GRAMMAR RULES SO I CAN BREAK THEM, SAYS I.
Other fake adult things we do are pretend that maybe we'll be all growed up and have a wall for important china or dishware or the like. Which is what led us to make this beauty while on an Alaskan cruise three years ago. We pretended for so long that it meant something if we threw away this horrible plate that we painted while I was mad at him for not proposing on the cruise with his family.
We finally relented and gave in to it's complete and utter hideousness and gave it the proper burial it deserves in our trash can (NOT BEFORE I CAN TAKE A PICTURE FOR THE BLOG I screamed first though.) Aren't you glad I could show you this beauty?
Even better is that we each took half of the plate and painted it. Thus, creating it's utter amazingess that the dump will be so grateful to receive.
So this post has mainly been pretend for a real discussion on life issues. Some nights are just not meant for real things, though you know? Like we should be watching The Labyrinth eating meatless meat pretend kind of things.
So, we turned said tickets down (hence, what you're reading) and I said to Topher "it's ok, let's buy some fun snazzy food and put on our jersey's and cheer like we're really there!" and I told myself he was super excited about this idea, when really I think he mostly said "mmkay."
Yet, here I sit curled up in a blanket, with out a jersey, and we got soup and sandwiches at Panera. We can't even do pretend watching a game live-in-person right.
Also, I have to wear this blanket because someone (TOPHER) thought it would be a good idea (WORST IDEA EVER) to put the heater on 68 instead of 72 (WHAT THE WHAT?). And how!
Which gets me to thinking. Jollying around with co-workers the other day (what, don't you jolly?), we got to discussing fake adultry. No, not adultery. Adult-ry. As in, I'm a fake adult because instead of ever actually purchasing pillow throws for our sectional, we took the ones from my parent's couch that are fraying and dying a slow death on our sofa. (Don't you just like sofa so much more than couch? Couch makes me think of of slouch, which makes me feel chubby.)
As in, when an electric company rep stopped by our house as we were cleaning our kitchen on Saturday and offered to save us hundreds of dollars by sucking away all of our air conditioning June through October, the first we said was "MONEY?!" and only later did I think to myself how mother crapping hot it will be in August, in DC, in our house with the AC being sent to another home where our electric company deems it belongs. As in, I know that was a run-on really long sentence and I DON'T CARE ANYWAY I KNOW GRAMMAR RULES SO I CAN BREAK THEM, SAYS I.
Other fake adult things we do are pretend that maybe we'll be all growed up and have a wall for important china or dishware or the like. Which is what led us to make this beauty while on an Alaskan cruise three years ago. We pretended for so long that it meant something if we threw away this horrible plate that we painted while I was mad at him for not proposing on the cruise with his family.
We finally relented and gave in to it's complete and utter hideousness and gave it the proper burial it deserves in our trash can (NOT BEFORE I CAN TAKE A PICTURE FOR THE BLOG I screamed first though.) Aren't you glad I could show you this beauty?
Even better is that we each took half of the plate and painted it. Thus, creating it's utter amazingess that the dump will be so grateful to receive.
So this post has mainly been pretend for a real discussion on life issues. Some nights are just not meant for real things, though you know? Like we should be watching The Labyrinth eating meatless meat pretend kind of things.
In other words, in what ways are YOU a fake adult? I really want to write a post about this soon and need your brilliant exemplars.
i love this post. i'm such a fake adult...this was my facebook status the other day...
ReplyDelete"i love how being a grownup means that homemade guac (with extra cilantro, of course) and chips is a perfectly acceptable supper. eating a skinny cow truffle bar before hand is just the icing on top."
Ummmm this might be the best blog post ever. EVER. Seriously I was cracking up. Girl you need to get the AC back... that sounds horrible!
ReplyDeleteps - panera soup and sandwiches is my favorite fake grown up fancy dinner :)
Someone made the mistake of thinking we were adult enough to have a kid. CrAZee!!
ReplyDeleteIn other news, I used to get emails at work from a colleague whose last name was Upthegrove. My outlook was set up so that an incoming contacts' name got cut off after a certain amount of letters...so I always chucked like a 12 year old boy when I would read that I had an email from P. Upthe...
I'm sooo not an adult. Examples: I make awkward squeaky baby noises, I'm a slob, I'm loud, sensitive, grumpy in the morning, lazy, and hate doing laundry.
ReplyDeletePhew. That was a lot. But I like to cook, that evens things out right?
Yea, I'm definitely committing adult-ry. I still very much enjoy watching Spongebob and kids movies like Shrek, and would much rather read chic-lit like the Shopaholic series instead of good, worthy books like The Kite Runner (which is still sitting unread on my bookshelf). I just tell myself and others that I read a lot, which is the important part. No one has to know what I read.
ReplyDeletehahaha I love that plate. You shouldn't have thrown that way, you should have done a GIVEAWAY. Or bake a fruitcake and put it on that plate and mail it to someone you hate. lol.
ReplyDeleteI'm a complete fake adult. I snicker at jokes about poop and body parts. I point out boobs and butts in movies. I really don't like veggies or fruit and would much rather eat cheese wrapped in cheese dipped in cheese, with an ice cream chaser. I almost never iron. The list goes on....
Pretend adult example number 1: I wanted to organize the office. So, I bought a filing cabinet and put all of the important papers in it. Well, except I didn't file them, I just moved the big stack of papers from the floor into the filing cabinet. oops.
ReplyDeleteI'm starting to accept the fact that my life is not very adult like. Well, I hate all the household type things like cleaning, organizing, making tough life decisions and figuring out what to eat for dinner other than cereal. I am good at going to brunch, traveling, being in a book club and paying bills on time.
ReplyDeletei love the plate! this post is so random and funny. just like a child is.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this post!
ReplyDeleteP.S. In school (for interior design) they teach us to NEVER use the word couch and ALWAYS call it a sofa :) See you're doing it right!
OMG Sprinkles, me too!!
ReplyDeleteMy breakfast selections are definitely not adult - usually some kind of kids' cereal like Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Lucky Charms or Reese's Puffs. Backup if we don't have milk? PopTarts, obviously.
Ugh, we're definitely fake adults.
ReplyDeleteWe're both super bad at picking dirty clothes up off the floor and we eat pizza at least once a week and get ice cream whenever possible.
It's kind of funny to think that we're responsible for 2 houses & 2 dogs when we can't bother put our shoes away.
Also, I think you should've saved that plate for your future kids, they would've loved it.
You should have given me that plate! I would have loved it, and cherished it, and totally let our cats eat off it so they thought they were eating seafood. I think I fake adulthood in so many ways it's not a good idea to list them out. You've met me. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, hubby and I suck at being adults too! Only weeks away from 28 and 29, we keep wondering when the adultness will kick in! We argue over who will do what chores because neither of us wants to do any of them, we tell people we're so busy all the time but we spend most nights parked in front of the TV, we refuse to answer our cell phones most of the time because we don't want to talk, and we almost never answer the doorbell - just peek out the window to see who it is and wait for them to leave. We're major fails at adulthood.
ReplyDelete