Sometimes I wonder if I have a problem with gambling. Not like a counting cards, throwing craps or hit-me-twenty-one gambling. No, not the kind of gambling that would get me a show on A&E or a spot on my local news because I had an addiction that ruined my life and then I climbed out of the shadows and set myself right.
Not that kind of gambling. (That's like, real, dude.)
Mainly, I make bets. Mind bets. Against myself. Or some outside force of which I have no control (because, clearly, it's smart to make bets against odds that you are completely unaware and not in control of.) (I SMART!)
Maybe mind bets is the wrong word. It's more like I tell myself something will happen, the opposite of what I want to be true. Then, I get be fake surprised when the opposite (mainly, what I actually want to happen) occurs (HA! I was wrong!) It's me, betting against myself or the world, betting in favor of a bad scenario. Get it?!
It works in lots of ways. Let me show you.
"I bet our Peace Corps invitation won't get be on our doorstep!"
HA! There it is!
"I bet Boomer pooped in the house."
HA! She didn't! She peed.
"I bet my alarm doesn't go off."
HA! It did. Damn, I have to go to work.
"I bet I spill this Coke all over me."
HA! Just on my pants.
"I bet it rains on our wedding day."
HA! It didn't rain! Just 95 degrees and sweltering.
"I bet these cookies taste awful."
HA! They're delicious. F word, I just ate five.
"I bet I gained two pounds this weekend!"
HA! I gained three! Shit, I gained three pounds.
Maybe I need to make bets that in favor of my lack of self control. I think I'd win more.
Do you make mind bets?
Kate, you are hilarious!! I literally laughed loudly in my office. So thank you. :)
ReplyDeleteKate, I do this ALL THE TIME.
ReplyDeleteI imagine the opposite of what I want to happen. Because my life's happenings NEVER happen the way I envision it. Whether it's a big event or something minor. I always try to imagine the worst, so that I can smile when the GOOD thing happens! LOL
I call mine more "setting myself up for disappointment", aka, a realists view of the world. If I think it's going to rain on my wedding day.. well, maybe it won't, but if it does, it's not like I wasn't ready for it!
ReplyDeleteThat sounds way more depressing than it really is, hah. But yes, yes I do make mind bets ;)
I totally understand. I do the exact same thing. Except a lot of times I'm right. :( I bet that damn thing I ordered on Etsy STILL isn't here. DAMMMIZT STILL NOT HERE!!! I'm too good at the mind bets :( If only I had a nickel...
ReplyDeleteOhhh yes, I make these bets with myself all the time! I also do stuff like "If this random thing happens in the next five minutes, this major important thing must be true." For example, last night while watching the Caps game I decided "If the Caps score in the last five minutes, I am meant to be a scientist." Yeah. Cause those two things are definitely related. [Although they did, so I guess I am stuck being a scientist?!]
ReplyDeleteYes, always! But it never really works out. I'm all, I bet this will happen (secretly hoping for the opposite and thereby acting like I don't care by declaring that I bet what I don't want to happen will happen) and dang it, it does. I suck at this game.
ReplyDeleteI do this ALL THE TIME. Great minds, my dear! ;) So funny that you (and so many other people in the comments!) do this, too.
ReplyDeleteI LIVE for the mind bet!!
ReplyDeleteI do it all the time, but sadly I'm usually right :(
ReplyDeleteAt first I thought this post was going to be about bets you made with Chris, I'm always betting Jus a dollar that he can't win/share his dinner/give me a kiss, I'm a dork, I know.
PS Sorry I'm the worst BBF ever and didn't comment yesterday :( Those cookies look delish, though!
Um - all the time! That's my main motivator, otherwise, I'd be a lazy bum bum ALL THE TIME!
ReplyDeleteHahaha, I don't make mind bets but I do make mind deals and promises. Practically every morning, I promise myself that if I get out of bed, I will be "allowed" to take a nap later in the day.. Spoiler alert - I never take a nap. But I need that promise to drag my lazy butt out of bed and go to work, lol.
ReplyDeleteI completely do this ALL the time! Mind bets are the best!
ReplyDelete